Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear
By David B. Bohl | February 28, 2008 | 11 Responses
Are you one of those people that finds the negative in everything, even something positive like a job promotion? Or I bet you at least know someone like that. I think that the reason these people are negative is because they are paralyzed by fear.
I know a few people for whom everything has to be a problem. If they get a promotion, they’re worried about whether they can do the work. They’ll probably end up getting fired, they say. They shouldn’t have taken the promotion.
Nothing is good for these people. They have to look at the negative in every situation. I’m convinced that they don’t just do this. They have to do it, because they are incapable of having a positive outlook.
I’m also convinced that the reason they must be negative is that they’re paralyzed by fear. If they take a positive outlook, and things don’t happen the way they want, that would be a Bad Thing. They’re terrified of being surprised by something bad, so they expect bad things and – surprise – they’re never surprised.
I think this is a terribly sad way to live, but I see it all around me. I quite often find, when I start working with a new client, that they’re completely unable to let go of their negative outlook.
The problem is that the negative outlook is caused by fear, and fear prevents us from letting go of the negativity.
My thinking is that if fear is the underlying problem, we need to directly address the fear, and then we can change the negative thinking. But no amount of “trying to think positive” is going to help us if we’re so stuck in a morass of fear that we can’t move.
I think there are basically three fears that keep us in negative thinking.
First, there’s quite simply the fear of being disappointed. I think we develop this fear when we’ve suffered a lot of disappointment and never learned to deal with it. So the obvious solution here is to spend time actually confronting our disappointment, grieving it, and working through it. When we face disappointment, we begin, gradually, to see that it’s really nothing to be afraid of. We can live through disappointment.
Second, there’s the fear of being wrong. I think the main thing about being wrong is that we a) will be disappointed, and b) be embarrassed. Let’s say I feel very positive about my chances of being accepted into a major juried art competition. I may not tell anyone I’ve even entered, because I’ll fee humiliated if I entered and did not get in.
Third, I think there’s a fear that if we adopt a positive attitude, we might literally be bombarded with disappointment and embarrassment. In other words, we are afraid that being optimistic might set us up for being wrong much of the time.
The only way to address these fears is to acknowledge them and then just go forward. Let your fears have their say, and then tell yourself, “but now we’re going to try something a little different.” And try looking at things with a more positive outlook.
Thanks to Widow’s Quest for including this post in the Carnival of Positive Thinking, to The Next 45 Years for featuring this post in the Personal Development Carnival, to Credit Card Lowdown for inclusion in the Carnival of Money, Growth, and Happiness, to Think Happy Thoughts for including this post in the Happiness Carnival, to Tip Diva featuring this post in the Carnival of Tips, and to Pink Blocks for inclusion in the Blog Carnival of Personal Power.
Copyright 2008 David Bohl and SlowDownFast.com. All rights reserved.
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Husband, father, friend, Life Coach and Lifestyle Designer David B. Bohl is the creator of Slow Down FAST at www.slowdownfast.com.
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Categories: Self Improvement, Productivity, Personal Development, Lifestyle, Success Strategies, Life Coach, Shift, Attitude, Slow Down Fast, Life Strategies, Happiness, Relationships, Expectations, Distractions, Work-Family Balance, Work-Life Balance, Fulfillment, Fear, Change, Daily Living
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11 Responses to “Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear”
Comments
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February 28th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Hi David,
This is very practical stuff. I am in a pivotal point in my life and the timing of this article this morning is perfect. Thank you for writing it.
February 28th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Zachary,
I’m glad you found value in my post. Thanks for letting me know.
I have to keep an eye on #3 above and remind myself that being pragmatic doesn’t mean that I have to expect the worst.
David
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
[…] B. Bohl presents Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “I know a few people for whom everything has to be a […]
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:41 am
[…] Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear by David B. Bohl […]
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
[…] B. Bohl presents Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear posted at Slow Down Fast Today!. No amount of “trying to think positive” is going to help us if […]
March 8th, 2008 at 1:16 am
[…] B. Bohl presents (1) Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear and (2) 5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener posted at Slow Down Fast […]
March 8th, 2008 at 3:55 am
dear Mr. Bohl,
i agree with you about your article. I wish it was longer and offered more ways to embrace those fears. I’ve read in the “War on Art” that fear is often the greatest the more a person is passionate about something, the more somebody wants it, the more fear, and the more talent and the more one is in a way “destined” to acheive something, the more fear he has to acheive it. And I guess all the better, when he has…
I mean this is a major subject and can be associated with almost any aspect of life.
so I wish there was an easier way…
regards,
nadia
March 18th, 2008 at 10:15 am
[…] B. Bohl presents Letting Go of Negative Thinking and Fear posted at Slow Down Fast […]
March 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Thank you. I am almost 50 years old, divorced with no kids so I can’t use that as an excuse. I have been trying to complete my bachelor’s degree while working full time. Everytime I go to take a test I totally freeze. I study and then it all disappears like I know nothing which causes me anxiety. I have studied many ways to overcome test anxiety and other study skills but they have not helped. Talking to someone the other day, I learned that it is fear. This article hit home for me. I am one to always give positive advice to others, but when it comes to myself. It looks like I need to face my disappoints in order to overcome them.
March 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Teri,
Thank YOU for taking the time to share.
Many of us deal with fear and, as a result, negative ego, myself included.
I’m 47 and still learning to identify, own, and walk through my fears, as well as being confident in who I am (as opposed to what I do).
David
April 25th, 2008 at 3:56 am
I definitely agree and support your words of acknowledging our fears. It is exactly acknowledging them, and seeing them for what it truly is, perceptions, false realities, that can only make me take the courage to let go… and choose a higher path. What a beautiful post. Thank you. Fara - http://www.pickmeupteam.wordpress.com