What Are You Complaining About?

People often say, “What are you complaining about?”  Our complaints are about things not being the way we want them to be, and complaining can help us figure out who we are, what we want and what we need to do.  The things that we really, deep down, feel bad about tell us who we are and what we really value.  Our complaints should tell us that there is something that needs to be changed and that we should listen to ourselves and do something about it.  Notice what you complain about, find one thing that you can begin to change, start working on it immediately; these are ways that you can help the situation.People often tell us “don’t complain, you’re lucky,”or say, in a derogatory tone, “What you are complaining about?”

Obviously, we’re complaining because things are not the way we want them to be. I think it’s important to pay attention to what we’re complaining about, and why, because what we’re complaining about tells us more about who we are, what we want and what we need to do than almost anything else in our lives.

My thinking on this is that complaining is active, it’s verbal, and it’s very public. We complain not just to our friends, but sometimes to people we don’t know that well.

Sometimes we’re complaining about something that we need that person to change, as when we complain about service in a restaurant or file a professional complaint against a lawyer, for instance.

Sometimes we’re complaining, even to strangers, just to have something to do. “Sure is hot.” “This post office has the longest lines of any in town, and that one guy is a real jerk.”

These are not the types of complaints I’m really all that interested in. What I think is important is what we complain about to our friends and family.

When we’re alone with people we care about, what do we complain about? I think in general, we don’t complain about the weather or the rude checkout guy at the grocery store. Sure, we mention those things. But once we get those things off our chest, we really start complaining. The boss we have to work with in spite of his attitude toward people “like us,” whatever that ‘like us’ is. The spouse we can’t talk to. The book we want to write but can’t find time for. The neighbors who make us feel like strangers in our own home by complaining about such trivial things as our lawn turning brown or our trash can blowing over.

The things we really, deep down, feel bad about tell us so much about who and what we are, and yet we often think of these things as just everyday complaints. We think we shouldn’t complain, because other people have it much worse than we do.

Yes, some people do, but your broken arm does not make my paper cut feel any better. We feel what we feel, and when we notice that we feel something so strongly, that should be a signal to us that we really need to do something about those things. Continuing to “complain” isn’t getting us anywhere, but the fact that we’re bothered enough to complain should tell us something.

Specifically, it should tell us there’s a problem that needs to be resolved. Physical pain, for instance from a burn, is a message to the brain that there is something wrong that needs to be treated. Isn’t complaining just a signal to the heart that something needs to be treated?

What can you do about your complaining today?

• Notice what you complain about for the next three days.
• Find one thing you can begin to change, out of that three days’ complaints.
• Start working on it immediately.

Thanks to FitBuff.com for including this post in the Total Mind and Body Fitness Carnival, and to Widow’s Quest for including this post in Positive Thinking for the Week Ahead.

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