We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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by David Bohl

When you visit the same place at the same time for forty hours a week, complacency can slowly creep in. Complacency in the workplace is difficult to handle because, while you may feel comfortable and secure in your position, someone else could be waiting in the wings to dethrone you.

Even if you know there is no competition for your job, complacency can eventually lead to lack of motivation and maybe even laziness. Read on to determine if you may be too comfortable in your job and find out ways to get your groove back.

Have you ever heard the saying, “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”? Appearance plays a bigger role than you may think in the way you are perceived. Many businesses have shifted towards a more relaxed dress code, and “casual Friday” has turned into “casual Monday through Friday.”

However, despite your workplace’s dress code or lack thereof, you should always make a conscious effort to ensure that your choice of clothing, hairstyle, and grooming habits reflect the image you want to project. If you come to work in jeans and t-shirts and expect to be promoted to a supervisory position, you may want to think again. No matter how comfortable you feel with your coworkers and superiors, don’t let your physical appearance at the office fall by the wayside.

More importantly than the way you look, though, is your job performance. If you are too secure in your workplace niche, you most likely have no ambition to go above and beyond what is asked of you. You manage the hand you are dealt and are hesitant or possibly even unwilling to take on anything extra. While fulfilling your job requirements and doing them well is certainly admirable, employees who only do the bare minimum are rarely the ones who quickly advance up the corporate ladder.

What’s even more worrying is that if the economy’s downward trend happens to have an effect on your company’s profits and there is a need to make cuts, the first employees to be let go may be those who do not bring anything extra to the table. Careers are all about contributing to your company’s success while showing off your talents and reaching your maximum potential as an employee, so becoming too relaxed can be a real threat to both cases.

So, what should you do if you exhibit some of the dangerous signs of workplace complacency? Curing complacency is not as complicated as it may sound. Think of your job as a marriage of sorts. After ten years of being with the same person, some of the magic is inevitably lost. You have to get creative and work to spice things up.

The same is true for your place of employment. If you feel you are getting too comfortable with your situation at work, make a change. Ask for a new assignment or to take on new responsibilities. Try a change of scenery by switching cubicles or working from home, if possible. Even think of a purchasing new, smart suit or stylish outfit to wear to work and catch the eye of higher-ups.

Furthermore, set goals. Envision where you would like to be, career-wise, in five years. Then, make monthly, weekly, and even daily commitments to help you reach your objectives. Begin working toward your goals and chipping away at your complacency. Soon, you will realize that your job can be much more fulfilling and satisfying when you truly have a desire to perform your daily tasks!

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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Being a leader in your field is a way for you to stand out from the pack, differentiate yourself from your competition, and create a bigger following for your business. You may be a leader of many or a leader of few. As a leader, you are expected to be knowledgeable in your field and demonstrate your expertise and credibility so people will believe what you say and have faith in you–whether you are selling a service or product.

Leadership means taking a position of authority where people look to you for direction– including your clients or a team of contractors or employees, and also including people in your industry who my be fans or students of yours. It means being an innovator, staying on the cutting edge, and initiating change. It means taking risks, speaking your beliefs, and leading and motivating people. You will need to make choices and decisions and take responsibility for each one.

Leaders are born but they also can be developed. In either case there’s a lot you can do to emerge as a leader in your field. Here are some tips:

1. Be the best you can be:

Always strive for excellence in all that you do. Others will look up to you so set an example and serve as a guide, coach, and mentor. Real leadership is about leading yourself first, then leading others. When you’re at your best, you will attract the best to you–whether clients or team members. Your ideal clients and your top level team players will help you build a strong organization. When you know yourself and strive to be the best, you also know how to ask for and expect it of others. When you know how to lead yourself–by staying true to your values and ideals, by setting clear objections, actions, and accountability, and by taking responsibility for your choices and actions–you will be better equipped to lead others. You are the team leader: your clients look to you for exemplary service and products; your employees look to you for motivation, guidance, and fair and honest treatment.

2. Keep up your skills:

Good leaders never stop learning. As a leader in your field, you want to sharpen your skills to keep providing excellent service and expert leadership. Thousands of books and seminars are available to continue to hone your skills. Whether it’s in your field such as accounting, marketing, or manufacturing, or in business and leadership training, there’s plenty of options to keep learning and building your skills. Many leaders also rely on mentors, colleagues, and coaches. A mentor or coach can help you work through any challenges that come up as you emerge as a leader in your field.

3. Stay current in your industry:

Being a leader in your field means you are among the most knowledgeable since you are leading others and providing expertise. In today’s world everything changes so quickly, and leaders must know what is going on in their field at all times. Attend industry conventions, subscribe to industry periodicals, and join an industry organization or mastermind. Keep abreast of your competition to see what new services or products they are introducing and what market segments they are targeting.

4. Get known and know people:

How do people find you? What do they know about you? What are you doing to get known? Is your brand recognition strong enough to position yourself as a leader? If not, get going on your marketing campaign. You must get known by the people in your industry to build your leadership platform. You must build brand recognition to attract your ideal customers. Who do you know in your industry that is influential? Who do you know that can help you grow as a leader through joint venturing and partnering? Where do you go to network so you can get known and know the people who will help you grow your business? Attend trade shows in your industry and meet key people. Attend organization meetings in your target market’s industry.

5. Develop excellent communication skills:

This more than almost anything else is the mark of a true leader. A leader must communicate in many different ways with many different people. You will be communicating through e-mails, direct mail, over the phone, in person, as a speaker, as a writer, and as a presenter at events and seminars. You may do some or all of these. You will be communicating with colleagues in your field, with prospects and clients, with vendors, with contractors and employees, and with other leaders, coaches, teachers, and mentors. Each situation and each person requires unique communication skills. Let this be a priority in your education as you emerge as a leader in your field.

6. Identify your strengths, your niche, your target:

All leaders possess unique strengths and capabilities. What are yours? You need to identify them so you can lead with them as you develop your weaknesses. Are you a great speaker, a prolific writer, an organizational whiz? Once you’re clear on your strongest assets, you need to identify the your strongest niche area and your ideal target market. For example, if you are emerging as a leader in publishing, your niche may be electronic rather than traditional publishing. And your ideal customer may be accountants and financial planners who want to create educational e-books and digital recordings to expand their service-based business.

Become the Leader You’ve Always Known You Were on the Inside. Personal Coach David Bohl offers leadership and personal development coaching with his Intensive Empowerment System – now available in both in-person or virtual formats!

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“If you want to spur creativity, capture and hold attention, and promote innovation and interaction, you need to create a space that stimulates the creative, social side of the brain – the right side”

Read the rest of Can You Improve Meetings with Right-Brained Thinking?

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Maybe you have a talent that you are offering as a service to clients such as massage, consulting, or financial planning. Or maybe your business is selling a product like clothing, wines, or information products. Whatever your plan involves–services or products–managing your own business takes certain skills beyond the specialized knowledge that makes you good at what you do.

If you don’t learn the skills of running and managing your business, you may find yourself experiencing some of these common pitfalls. If you do experience them, acknowledge where you are, then take measures to overcome them.

 Common Pitfalls of Managing Your Own Business:

1. Not having a business plan and a marketing plan.

A business plan is a roadmap for success and a marketing plan is a schematic for every day marketing activities. Many entrepreneurs believe they can get away without a business plan if they’re not seeking outside funding, but business plans are not just for investors. They guide you to where you want to go in your business. If you don’t have a plan, find a business consultant or SCORE counselor to help you write one. You can work with a marketing consultant or SCORE counselor to develop quarterly marketing plans to track what marketing activities give you the greatest results.

2. Not doing financial projections and monthly reports.

Most business owners are only concerned with how much money is coming in. But that’s only gross profit, and your business success is based on net profit–how much is left after expenses. A major pitfall of business owners is not doing financial projections. You need to chart out for one year what income you expect and your estimated expenses, both fixed and variable. Use an Excel spreadsheet or have your accountant do it in QuickBooks. When they run your monthly profit and loss statement, make sure they explain what the numbers mean. You must know your bottom line each month to manage your business successfully.

3. Not having enough capital or reserves.

Some businesses need an infusion of capital when they start out. You may need to borrow funds for renting your location, purchasing inventory, or outfitting your office. If you were unable to borrow, you might have gotten personal loans or you started on a shoestring. With little capital, you probably don’t have much in reserve. Business advisors suggest having at least six month’s to a year’s worth of expenses in the bank. This pitfall causes the demise of many businesses. Build up your reserves whenever you have any surplus.

4. Not being knowledgeable in your field or about business.

Do you have formal training in your industry? Have you studied how to run a business? Not having enough knowledge, skill, or training in your specialty or in business is a major pitfall. How will you compete against more skilled practitioners? How will you know the best quality products to buy and the best prices? You can open a business and then get more training and education as you go along, because ongoing training will keep your skills sharp and current. And you’ll want to get educated in all the nuances of managing a business from financials, to customer service, to employee relations, and more.

5. Not checking the competition or staying current with industry trends.

You can’t ignore the competition or pretend you don’t have any. It’s not spying, but you must know who your competition is and what they are up to. Can you provide better, faster, or a different service? Can you offer deeper discounts, better quality, or follow-up support? Find out what your competition is doing and offer something more. Read industry journals and stay current with what is going on in your industry. You have to be the best to stay on top, and it only takes a little time each week to do your homework.

6. Not tracking, measuring, following up, or following through.

How can you know how successful you are if you don’t track your results? Did this marketing campaign attract more visitors to my website? If not, what can I do to improve my results? Learn how to track and measure your business and marketing activities. Also, make sure you follow up and follow through. If you send out postcards and offer a free 30-minute consultation, make sure you provide it to those who respond. If you advertise an open house for client appreciation day, follow through and hold the event. Clients and prospects will lose faith in you if you don’t keep your word.

7. Poor customer service.

Have you heard the expression, the customer is always right? I have some coaching clients who run retail operations and they say that they train their staff to give 110% when it comes to customer service. Satisfied customers provide additional revenue in the form of return business and referrals. However, dissatisfied customers can do a lot of damage by spreading the word about your poor service. See the long-term value of happy customers and do everything in your power to make this a top priority. Without customers, you have no revenue!!!

8. Burnout from overworking and doing everything yourself.

Enthusiastic entrepreneurs wear a big “S” on their chests thinking they are Super Business Owner! I can do everything myself. If I want it done right, I have to do it. That works fine until you find yourself getting about five hours of sleep a night and making errors during the work day. Start looking at what you can delegate and find top quality, affordable contractors or employees to take some of the load off. After all, all work and no play makes for a very unhappy business owner. If you’re so stressed out, how can you enjoy the fruits of your labor?

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“I finally learned that you cannot help people unless they really need help, are willing to be helped, want you to help them and ask you to help them. Even then, you can only help them to help themselves.” ~ Vincent Collins

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No one seems to realize the power of honesty. You are only as good as your word. No one will believe or trust you if you play verbal games. Honesty is morally right and efficient. And ultimately, always the best policy.

So when they are caught with their pants down and are backed into a corner, the slippery politicians come up with phony apologies. But, bad apologies are worse than no apology at all. In our personal and professional lives, we wouldn’t stand for this. We wouldn’t let people off the hook with bad apologies. Once your friend, partner, or business associate is caught in a lie or bad apology after the fact, your trust factor is severely reduced!

Saying the words when apologizing is often not enough. For an apology to be acceptable, you have to mean it and show it; and it should contain the 3 Rs:

Responsibility – the person must take responsibility for making the mistake and for having done harm. Admitting you are wrong is the first step in making an acceptable apology. If you live in a world of blame and complain, you are not living in the world of responsibility. Ultimately the truth will come out, so why not save the guilt and loss of trust by admitting your wrong-doing and moving on?

There’s more to an apology than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You need to swallow your pride and say, “I know I messed up.” That’s difficult for most people to admit, because we seem to strive for perfection–that ever unreachable spot on the ever distant horizon. If you truly want to make amends, acknowledge the action you took that may have hurt, humiliated, or disrespected the other person.

Of course, the level of responsibility you take in order to make your apology may vary based on the circumstances. There may be contributing factors from both parties that need to be sorted out before you both can move forward. An example might be that John is always late for meetings, and after the third time finally offers an apology to his boss, Tom. However, if Tom sent an e-mail with the meeting time and it didn’t get to John, there are contributing factors on both sides.

Remorse – they have to sincerely feel badly that their actions caused you pain. How do you demonstrate your regret or remorse for the action that you are apologizing for? First, when you take responsibility and admit your error, the person you harmed will see that you are being sincere. The injured party wants to see that the person apologizing is really sorry for the transgression they committed.

The way you deliver your apology–in person rather than by phone, letter, or e-mail–can also make a difference in the apology being accepted. If you’re apologizing, be straightforward and humble about it. Provide an explanation rather than an excuse, and don’t trivialize the situation by laughing or joking while asking for forgiveness.

You want to show the offended party that you are remorseful about what you have done. Suppose the situation entailed your forgetting to take in your neighbor’s mail while they were on vacation. You may have had good reason, like working long hours at work, or you might have merely forgotten. You would show your remorse by saying how sorry you were, admitting you messed up, and professing that you will do much better next time–if there is one.

Restitution – offer a remedy and take specific action, to right the wrong that’s been perpetrated. Aside from asking for forgiveness, you also need to face the consequences of your actions. If what you did was truly hurtful, make amends and clean up your act. You must demonstrate that you don’t intend to repeat the offense.

The best course would be to follow up the apology with positive action. For example, if you accidentally erased an important file at work, promise to retype the whole document and update your back up system — and then stick to your word. Whatever you do, don’t postpone apologizing. It is most effective when done within a relatively short time of the offending action. Otherwise, you’re living a lie and you’ll create stress on your relationship. Rather than making excuses or being evasive, swallow your pride and offer your apology. Then together, figure out what you can do to make things right between you.

Without these 3 Rs, the politician, friend, business partner, or even you, are not being honest and not being forthright with an apology. If you want to accept an apology and you want your apologies accepted, follow this simple formula.

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