We’ve become a culture of “yes people:” “Yes, I can stay late to help with your project.” “Yes, you can have that expensive themed birthday party with the live ponies.” “Yes, let’s go out for drinks on Friday.” “Yes, I’m available to help you move tomorrow.”

Why is it so difficult to turn down a commitment these days? I have a theory – I think it’s because technology makes it almost impossible for us to hide! Back in the old days, you could become unavailable for a little while if you needed a mental vacation. But now, it seems like wherever you go, someone’s showing up with an invite or a request – texting you, emailing you, leaving you voicemails, messaging you on Facebook or wherever else, ready to hold you accountable. And worse… while you’re juggling all those priorities, even more obligations and temptations keep popping up.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: we can’t be everything to everyone, and we can’t do it all. If we try to, we soon discover how it feels to be that proverbial chicken without a head. And with all this running from here to there, feeling the pressure mount to be the perfect mom or dad, friend, employee, coworker, coach, Christian, golf buddy, vacation planner, party person, and so forth… pretty soon we really DO start to feel like our heads have become detached from our bodies as we mentally unravel!

I know it’s hard to say no when someone needs your help or requests your presence. But try to view your life in a pie graph format, with slices taken out for various commitments that you must attend to. The smaller the “sliver” of pie that you devote to one activity, the less attention, concentration, and appreciation you’re able to give it. And then you’re no longer enjoying yourself and being present in the moment. That’s what they call being “stretched too thin” and I think we all know when it’s happening to us. And our family, friends and colleagues notice, too.

So let me offer a few tips on how to say “No” without offending or disappointing people.

1. Say “no” to this, but “yes” to that.

Don’t you usually find that your commitments to certain people are cumulative? You’re helping a friend work on his truck this week, and then next week he’s calling to see if you can come over and look at the brakes on his wife’s car. If it’s not a good time, then say so. “Listen Bill, I really wish I could help you, but I’m swamped with work this weekend and the kids have Scout Camp.” And while you’re letting your friend down easy, casually bring up another event or task that you two will be teaming up on. “So let me know how it goes, and I’ll see you on the fifth for our camping trip!” It’s always best to end the conversation on a high note, especially if you’re delivering disappointing news.

2. Put out the silent “no” – don’t make yourself so easily accessible.

A great way to get yourself labeled as a “yes” person is to be everywhere all the time. Your phone is on, you’re logged into your favorite social networking site, you’re fielding emails, you’re Skyping. This sends a message to people which says, “I’ve got nothing happening, so give me something to do!” Know what’s the best way to tell people you’re busy? Disappear! Even if you’ve just lowered yourself into a hot bubble bath, nobody except your immediate family has to know. To the outside world, you’re out of sight and that means you’re probably embroiled in some other project for somebody else. It works at the office, too. When people ask you where you’ve been or what you’ve been up to, just explain that you’re “super busy” or “crazy busy”! Trust me, there’s no better way to get the needy masses off your back.

3. Take a deep breath before you say “no.”

Being assertive has to do with making your own needs known but doing it in a calm, confident way. If you’re starting to get all stressed out about overbooking yourself, then it’s going to show in the pitch of your voice, the pace of your steps, the tightness of your muscles and the way you express yourself to others. If you feel overwhelmed, take a time out for yourself. Go for a walk, breathe a few deep, cleansing breaths, get into a few Yoga positions or do whatever you do to calm down. When you’re feeling human again, prepare your polite “no, thank you” and then ease into your regretful response.

4. Be apologetic about your no’s, and enthusiastic about your yeses.

Sometimes people get offended simply because of the manner of our delivery. One of my friends has this talent for making people feel unimportant when she’s turning down their invites. Something about her flippant, “Oh, no, we won’t be able to make it – we’re going tubing that weekend!” makes you feel a little bit unspecial. Other people just give off that snappish “I’m so overwhelmed” vibe when you approach them – and while they really may be overwhelmed, this can be unfriendly and off-putting. Knowing this, it’s worth practicing saying your “no thank you”s and “sorry, I can’t make it”s a bit more gracefully and gratefully. “That was so nice of you to think of us,” “Okay, I can’t wait to see you on Sunday instead!” and “Oh, I really wish I could come” go a long way in conveying a warm, friendly and positive attitude toward the people who count.

5. Say no with a polite explanation.

Open, honest communication is always the answer, and it’s no different when juggling your priorities and obligations to people. If you were invited to a co-ed baby shower but you already scheduled a golf outing for that day, then sure, you may feel like that’s a flimsy excuse best kept to yourself. But, a stiff “Sorry, can’t make it, CLICK” can be a tad insensitive, especially if this shower is for someone you actually do care about. So, at the very least, leave a genuinely apologetic, “Sorry, I already have plans for that day – but let’s get together soon so I can bring you your shower gift in person!”

What’s your best tactic for “letting people down easy?” Leave your comment on the Slow Down Fast blog!

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Maybe it’s not your biological clock that’s keeping the Sandman away. It could be that elements of your life that are in disarray. Check out these six tips for sleeping better if you’re one of the millions of Americans that tosses and turns at bedtime each night.

Know Where You’re Going

The future is always uncertain, but setting goals makes the unknown a bit more tangible. When you have goals to progressively work toward achieving, you then have a map directing you to where you want to be. Although unexpected challenges and bumps in the road are certain to arise, you will sleep better at night knowing that you have a plan.

Bend a Little

Since life is unpredictable, being able to react with flexibility and open-mindedness when a curveball is thrown your way is essential to living — and sleeping — well. Having a plan is necessary, but you can’t react with shock and awe when things don’t go as you expected. Build room into your goals for unforeseen challenges and your worries will no longer be able to keep you up at night.

Make Sound Decisions

You’ve heard of buyer’s remorse – the guilt a consumer feels when he purchases something he later regrets. The truth is, any kind of remorse, buyer’s or otherwise, can affect your sleep patterns. When you feel guilty about a decision you made during waking hours, that decision will certainly haunt you when you lay your head down to sleep. That is why it is important to make sound decisions based on solid logic and reasoning. Impulsive actions are often the ones that cause the most grief, so you should avoid making large leaps on the spur of the moment. Though it is impossible to predict the results of every action, if you take care to think things through before acting, you can feel secure in knowing you did everything possible to ensure a positive outcome.

Don’t Fret About Finances

Money is one of the most stressed-over subjects among career-minded adults, but, as Cyndi Lauper sang, “money isn’t everything.” Being smart about how you manage your money, including knowing when to say enough is enough, is a great way to schedule some surefire z’s. Whether you have the luxury of working only part-time, or whether you must work a 50-hour week to pay the bills, you have to be at peace with what’s in your wallet at the end of the day. Maybe you can’t put a down payment on the house of your dreams just yet, but with diligence and some spending smarts, you might achieve that goal in a year’s time. Meanwhile, don’t let your bank account balance dictate the amount of rest you get.

Cut Out the Drama

There’s a reason Hollywood drama queens need professional makeup artists – to cover up the dark circles under their eyes that result from getting no sleep! High-drama celebrities might be able to last on four hours of sleep per night, but if drama in your life is allowing you only twenty instead of forty winks, it may be time to ask what all the fuss is about. There’s no denying that drama can be exciting, but it is also mentally draining. Seek out the source of your dramatic vibes and seriously consider whether it’s worth keeping in your life.

Put Off Today What Can Wait Until Tomorrow

Fact: There are only 24 hours in a day. If you attempt to spend 20 of those hours being productive or even worrying about how you weren’t productive enough, it’s sure to cause turmoil in your sleep life. When you feel overwhelmed with the amount of things you have to accomplish in a short period of time, that’s when you must prioritize. What must be done immediately, and what can wait? When you decide what can be put off, commit to that decision! Losing sleep over what you haven’t yet accomplished is just as bad as trying to cram too many things into too little time.

Though physical stressors are often the culprits when it comes to lack of sleep, emotional and mental dilemmas can play a huge factor in your sleep life as well. Next time your lavender-vanilla aromatherapy spray isn’t helping you drift off to dreamland, consider evaluating your life using the above factors and attempt to get a better rest the next night.

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If you had a dime for every time someone told you, “life isn’t fair,” you might dethrone Warren Buffet from his seat as richest man in the world. Unfortunately, being aware of life’s inequities doesn’t prevent them. In fact, hardships are virtually guaranteed to occur — it’s just a matter of when and where. So, when disaster strikes, you usually have one of two options – crumble under the pressure or become a survivor. Survivors persevere, but perseverance may not come naturally.

To find out how to be a survivor, read this collection of characteristics of those who keep at it when life gets rough and apply them to your own life.

Ask Questions

Survivors don’t just sit back and let life happen to them. Even though they are in the midst of a breakdown, they use their intuition and ingenuity to pose questions about what is happening to them. And they aren’t simply asking, “why me?”. Survivors use questions to gather information about the situation they are in and how it can be resolved. They also ask questions to learn how to prevent problems from occurring in the future.

See Things in a Different Light

Have you ever been stumped by a brainteaser and decided to let the puzzle simmer in your brain and return to it later, only to come back and find that the answer was right in front of your eyes the whole time? In this same manner, it’s helpful to attempt to find new ways to solve old problems. Survivors don’t get burnt out trying to fit a square key in a circular lock. In other words, they don’t repeatedly try a solution that clearly isn’t helping to solve a problem. To become a survivor, you need to look at things from all perspectives in order to find the best possible resolution.

Be Flexible

One of the absolute pillars of being a survivor is being flexible. Most people are not expecting it when disaster strikes. Therefore, it might be necessary to change your plans to accommodate the new developments.

If you become stressed by the thought of altering your roadmap to life, you will only add to the difficulties that have already been presented to you. Instead, work hard to keep an open mind and bend, don’t break.

Plan Ahead

There is a difference between worrying and planning. Worrying does little to prepare you for future challenges. It only deprives you of the time spent fretting over impossible-to-predict scenarios. Planning, on the other hand, is a practice used by survivors to allow them to effectively handle hardships when they do occur. For instance, keeping a first-aid kit in your house is a positive way to be ready if someone gets hurt. Worrying about your child scraping her knees every time she leaves the house is not. Survivors certainly aren’t psychic, but their ability to make effective and quality plans in advance of trouble’s wake allows them to rise above the ashes when the flames have been put out.

Set Goals

Goal-setting is an excellent strategy that allows you to step back and view a situation from an outsider’s perspective. Survivors can remove themselves from what is happening to them and see things rationally, which allows them to make benchmarks for restoration. You can set goals for how to deal with current problems or how to handle them in future settings. The idea is that you use goal-setting as a tool to step out from behind the “victim” title and become someone who makes the most of what they’ve got.

There is no telling what sorts of trials and tribulations you will go through in life, but there are always options as to how you can deal with it when these trials occur. Perseverance may be difficult, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. To be a survivor, you must simply use techniques and tactics that allow you to tackle your problems effectively and with an eye to the future.

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You’re never too old to learn! Once we graduate from high school, college, or even beyond, many of us never take another class. We may have decided that school is meant for the youth of our culture, and we assume that for the rest of our lives, we’ll only be getting our lessons from the school of hard knocks. While it’s true we learn an awful lot from life experience–that is if we are open to the lessons–there’s every reason to continue learning in school, through books, and now even on the Internet.

The opportunities for learning today are unlimited. However you like to learn, there’s a way to do it. Whatever you want to learn, there’s a place to learn it.

How do you like to learn? Some of the ways include: going to school and taking classes; taking weekend seminars; reading books; listening to audio tapes; working with a coach or mentor; or taking an online class. Can you think of some other ways you like to learn?

What do you want to learn? For business you may want to keep up your learning in your industry; maintain your skill set in your area of expertise; or continue to study business skills if you run a business. For personal interests you might want to hone existing skills like golf or guitar; or you might want to take up a new hobby like ballroom dancing or a foreign language. What would you like to learn now as an adult?

Why should you keep your head in the learning game? Some people are information junkies and others are content with limited data. You might fall somewhere in between. The reason I’m in favor of ongoing learning is that we live in a time where information is more accessible than ever before and technological advances are causing rapid changes in the knowledge base. If you want to keep up with what’s going on in the world, in your personal life, and in your business or work environment, you’ve got to keep your head in the learning game.

If you’re still not sure what you could be learning about at this age and stage of your life, here are 5 areas I would suggest for your ongoing education:

1. Health – Staying healthy today can be somewhat complicated. What foods are best? What exercises can keep you fit? What healing methods are most effective? This kind of information changes on a daily basis. One day red wine is the panacea for all ills, the next day it’s a detriment to your health. One day running is the rage, the next it’s bad for your knees. The only way to keep abreast of the latest on health is to stay informed. Read books, journals, and periodicals; attend seminars, talks, and conferences. Pursue the areas that interest you most whether it’s traditional or alternative medicine.

2. Finances — Lately we have been going through challenging economic times. The better informed you are, the better chance you have of preserving your assets and knowing what to do with your finances now and in the future. Anyone can learn about saving, spending, and investing. There are more books and seminars available on these subjects than you can imagine. Whether you want to learn about starting and running a business, getting a loan or grant, budgeting and tracking your income and expenses, or investing in real estate, stocks, or bonds, someone is teaching this somewhere.

3. Career – If you own your own business or work as an employee, many opportunities present themselves to you for continuing education in your field of expertise. Often employers bring in training companies to keep their employees well trained in their skills and in their industry. Business owners have access to seminars, conferences, and teleclasses to keep up on their area of expertise as well as current business and marketing practices.

4. Relationships — If you’re in an intimate relationship, you and your spouse may enjoy taking classes together that either enhance your relationship or where you can learn something new like a sport or hobby. If you’re looking to build an intimate relationship, plenty of classes are available for singles looking for love in all the right places!

5. Leisure — As I’ve already mentioned, you may want to brush up on an existing skill or take up a new one. As boomers enter retirement, they need to stay active both physically and mentally. Continuing your education is one of the best ways to do this. A client of mine who was bored in retirement took a pottery class at the local adult school and showered his family and friends with his creations–whether or not they wanted them. He’d never done anything artistic in his life but became fairly accomplished at making mugs, vases, and sculptures.

What have you always wanted to learn but never had the time? What’s stopping you now? Keep your head in the learning game, and you’ll never be bored–or boring!

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The business world can be a tricky place when dealing with doing what’s right–keeping your personal values and morals in check. While you have to separate your business life from your personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to turn into someone you’re not in order to be successful.

It’s also important not to offend others in the process of doing what you think is right. You have to keep you personal views and what others think balanced. Keep these five suggestions in mind and you’ll be well on your way to doing what is right for you and not ticking people off as you go.

1. Know yourself.

We’re all different, which makes the world a much more interesting place. You may have a big mouth without a filter–saying exactly how you feel about things without thinking about how it sounds or how others will take it. Maybe you make faces that come off as bad to an observer but you really don’t mean anything by it. You have to know yourself–what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are. When you have this knowledge, you can do something about it so that you can still speak your mind and be yourself, but in more of an appropriate manner.

2. Express yourself.

It’s kind of like the Madonna song, you have to learn how to express yourself. If you’re supposed to be a marketing consultant and you’re attending a client meeting, but you just sit there like a timid mouse and don’t say a word, what do you think your chances are for landing this company as a new client? Zippo! If one of their ways of promoting their service to potential clients is killing their sales, find a tactful way to let them know this. It’s not by blurting out, “You’re doing it all wrong. No wonder your sales are down!” Maybe it’s something more refined like, “My other clients that have used the same type of promotion saw a rapid decline in their sales also. When we started working together and put together a comprehensive marketing plan that incorporated a combination of print, online, radio, and TV ads, their business increased by 30%.” It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. But you have to say it–don’t just sit there and say nothing.

3. Set boundaries.

Boundaries getting crossed are what usually makes you feel uncomfortable–like you’re not being true to yourself. So make sure that you set boundaries and don’t let them get crossed. For example, may be your company throws happy hour networking events all of the time. Your colleagues come to the event and treat it more like a college kegger than a business meeting–getting drunk and slurring their words as they talk to prospective clients. It’s not that you have something against drinking, but it’s the excess you have an issue with. Nobody says you have to drink to the point of getting drunk. Nobody says you have to drink at all. You can only be responsible for your own actions. If you really feel like these cocktail parties are affecting the business, then suggest an alternative way to mingle with prospects that’ll shed a better light on your company.

4. Be accountable.

It’s worth repeating, you are the only one that can control your actions. Be accountable for what you do. If you make a mistake, owe up to it. If you do something that is successful, share it with your boss and colleagues. Don’t be boastful and say it with an “I’m better than you” attitude, but be matter of fact and truthful.

5. Be fair and respectful.

Everyone is different. The way that you see something or the way you believe may be completely different from what others think. You have to be fair and respectful of these differences. Agree to disagree if necessary. Just like you want someone to respect your wishes, you have to respect others wishes as well. It goes back to that “don’t talk about politics and religion” rule because if your opinions differ then it could be war.

You can do what you feel is right without offending other people. First, you’ve got to take a good look at who you are. Then you’ve got to respect the differences between you and others. Finally, you have to find a way to tactfully and respectfully do what you think is right in a way that doesn’t hurt the people around you.

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~ Aristotle

I was shocked to read a recent study that reported less than 30% of people interviewed said they were deeply happy, and that 25% of Americans and 27% of Europeans claimed they are depressed. As a naturally happy person, I was amazed at how many unhappy people there are. Generally when I work with my coaching clients, they are not unhappy about everything in their life; they usually just have one area they are working on or one challenge to overcome.

So why are so many people unhappy? And why are so many people just going through the motions, appearing to be happy, pretending to be happy, when they’re really not?

The first step in determining if you’re happy or how happy you are is to define happiness. To some, it means doing what they want, having what they want, and being who they want, that is, fulfilling their dreams and desires. To others, it’s a state of mind that is not dependent on the outside world, but more on an inner contentment. And to still others, it’s about being responsible for their choices and accepting responsibility for whatever shows up in their lives, even if it didn’t seem like a conscious choice.

Ultimately, happiness can be defined as an emotional state, a feeling of peace, contentment, well being, joy, and connection. Most people have felt happy at some point in their lives, maybe under certain circumstances. They started a new relationship, won a valuable gift, or reached a worthwhile goal. The secret to continuing and lasting happiness I have found, is in knowing you can CHOOSE to be happy–in any circumstance, for any reason, and for no reason.

Have you ever taken a “time out” to check in with yourself to see if you’re really happy or just going through the motions? You know what I mean. People ask you every day, “Hi. How are you?” and you unconsciously say, “Fine,” when that may not be the case at all. Or you “put on a happy face” at work or with your family, just to “keep the peace,” to avoid conflicts or explanations. Or to avoid looking inside to figure out why you’re not really all that happy–at least not as happy as you appear to be. What I notice with people who are just going through the motions, is that they’ve become disconnected from their feelings. For whatever reason–traumas, upsets, frustrations–they’ve shut down and are walking zombies, the living dead.

Once you’ve shut down your feelings, it will take awareness and desire to reignite them and reconnect to your feelings. So how can you determine if you’re really happy or just going through the motions? And how can you choose more happiness in your life? Here are some ideas that I’ve used successfully with my clients.

1. Define happiness for yourself:

Knowing your own definition of happiness can help you assess your level of happiness. Some people have described happiness as lightness, aliveness, flow, love, passion, gratitude, being present, being responsible, open, accepting, optimistic, free, and connected. Until you establish your own definition, it will be difficult to determine how happy you are.

2. Examine your lifestyle:

Are you doing what you love, living where you want, hanging around people you enjoy? If not, why not? Although happiness starts from within, a lot of people gauge their level of happiness on what satisfactions they receive from the outside world. If you’re not enjoying the work you do five days a week, it’s no wonder you’re not happy! If you hate the city where you live, the house you live in, or your neighbors, you have good cause for unhappiness. And if you’re surrounded by a lot of negative people, that will drain anyone’s ability to be happy. Change the circumstances of your life that you can, so you can start bringing in more reasons to be happy.

3. Check your attitude:

Although the nice things in life bring us happiness, like our home, car, clothing, job, and people, if we have a negative attitude in general, we won’t even find happiness in the things we love. The happiest people are loving, accepting, giving, positive, optimistic, and live in the present rather than the past or future. Happiness is a moment-by-moment choice, which can only be made in the present. And yes, happiness can be a choice. I’ve seen some of my clients turn their attitudes around once they decided they could and they would choose to be happy–regardless of life circumstances. I know that sounds like a big leap, but just know it is possible.

4. Look at your relationships:

Relationships are one of the most common sources for our happiest times. Intimate relationships especially provide us with a deep connection that in most cases allows us to feel loved and appreciated. We can also have satisfying relationships that add to our happiness with our family, friends, associates, pets, and most importantly ourselves. I also notice that people who give to others, especially through charity work, are deeply happy.

5. Set happiness goals:

Are you committed to being happier? Do you want to get to the bottom of why you’re just going through the motions, why you’ve buried your feelings? Then it’s time to take action. Read some books, take some classes, work with a coach, meditate, journal, spend time in contemplation. Create your action plan for building a happier life. It’s your choice!

What Does Happiness Mean to You? 

Explore the possibilities with the Happiness Trilogy from Slow Down Fast. Self-Coaching in electronic format. Includes tons of tips, tricks and exercises designed to help you become the master of your own destiny and orchestrator of your personal well being!

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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Amazingly, the holidays are upon us again. It feels as though this time of year comes so fast, turns our lives upside down and is over before we know it. Sometimes it’s hard to be fully present in the moment when we’re overwhelmed and stressed about gift giving, tons of parties to attend, and juggling our families through it all. It helps to step back and take it all in. Slow Down and enjoy the holidays.

Giving is better than receiving…

Make time for others. The good deeds you do will not only help others but really allow you to experience the true meaning of the holidays. Why not volunteer at a soup kitchen, organize a toy drive for underprivileged children or even make time at your child’s school for fun activities? Even simple gestures like baking cookies for your elderly neighbors or inviting those without families to visit during the holidays can be ways to give to others what they would have missed this year.

Peace on earth…

Do you and your neighbor have an ongoing feud concerning your property line or an overgrown tree? Do you not really know your neighbors at all because you work crazy hours? Haven’t seen the in laws in some time, and you’re sort of happy about that? Make the extra effort. Shovel your neighbor’s driveway as a peace offering. Introduce yourself to your new neighbors with a gift of cigars or homemade brownies. Extend the olive branch and offer to host at your home this year. Realize that you are also an x-factor that can change your relationships.

Goodwill toward man…

Spread the good cheer! A positive attitude in your professional and personal life can definitely bring out the best in people. Make the extra effort to find the positive angle in situations that may not appear to be so great. Involve your family and coworkers in decision making. Find what it is that they want to do and attempt to incorporate it into “the plan.” If your workmate feels that his approach toward a client or situation might be the best way, let him try before (or even IF) you need to use your own approach. Have your children decide on, and then plan for, a family outing. Enjoy spending time together and focus on just being with them, rather than whatever is on your holiday to-do list!.

Let it snow…

Stock up your cupboards with the fixings for holiday treats and cocoa. Enjoy the season… enjoy the snow and the early evenings. Go sledding and skating… warm up in front of the fire, and spend time with those that you love. Pull out the seasonal favorites: It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, The Santa Clause… plan a movie night with your spouse or even the whole family! Pop popcorn, have a few hot toddies… find simple reasons to enjoy the season!

There’s No Place Like Home…

For the holidays, make an effort to get together with loved ones, near and far. Sure, the traffic might be terrific and maybe it’s been so long that you’d just as soon stay home. But it’s important to make the effort — especially with family, as they are the roots of who you are and where you came from. Reconnecting with cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces can be a refreshing and fun alternative to your daily grind.

Slow down and enjoy the holidays. Though they do come once a year… make this year count!

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Are you aware that you are at choice in every area of your life?

When I ask that question of my personal coaching clients they sometimes get very quiet, then say, “No. I don’t feel like I make all my own choices.” That’s a very common response. Many people feel like other people make choices for them, dictate what they “should” do, how they should do it, when they should do it, what they should eat, what they should wear, etc.

It begins, of course, with our parents. Until we’re at an age where they can trust us to make our own, correct decisions, they make our choices for us. If they were controlling, over-protective parents, they may not have instilled in us the opportunity to develop our ability to make our own wise decisions. Thus, we may have grown into adults still looking to others to choose our life situations. Or they may have taught us how to choose and take responsibility for our choices and we became confident, self-assured adults.

After parents, we had our teachers make choices for us. They taught us what and how to think, and hopefully the better teachers, taught us how to think for ourselves. During school peer pressure was at its height, so we dressed like our friends or the most popular kids in school, we hung out where the crowds hung out, and if we succumbed to peer pressure we may have taken up smoking or even worse!

As adults, we’re constantly bombarded with society’s messages through the media. TV, newspapers, and magazines shout at us to buy this product, eat or drink this, wear this, do that. It’s no wonder so many of us forget we have the ability to choose for ourselves. It’s just that we’ve forgotten how because so many others have been doing it for us for so long.

If you are ready to say “YES” to personal choice, great! It’s time to sit down and take an honest look at your life and see what areas are working for you, and what areas are ones that you have chosen and are happy with. And then look and see where you are living someone else’s choices–maybe for your work, your home, your lifestyle. You may still be living your parent’s choices, or your spouse’s choices, or your community’s.

If you are ready to say “YES” to personal choice, here are some actions you can take:

1. KNOW that you have free will and personal choice.

Yes, we all have free will and we can all make our own choices. If this is something new for you, it may take a while to get used to it. If you live in an oppressive environment, perhaps with a spouse who “tries” to make your choices, you will have more of a challenge breaking free. But as you come to believe this, begin with small choices. Notice when you eat something, or do something, or go somewhere and it’s not your choice. Ask yourself, “What would be my choice in this situation?” Then order the meal YOU want to eat, or choose the movie YOU want to see, and notice how that feels. As you practice making your own choices, you will get better at it and feel more comfortable.

2. GIVE UP victimhood and become the victor.

If you have been playing victim for years, under the thumb of a controlling parent or spouse or other, it’s time to break free. Your first step is to acknowledge your situation, then make a decision that you will no longer put up with it. You may choose to work with a life coach who can help you make new choices on your own. No one should ever stay in the victim role when through personal choice you can switch your role to victor.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for everything in your life.

If you’ve always thought others were responsible for your life, you can change that belief. We are all responsible for our lives, for our choices, for our results–for everything. You are even responsible for giving up responsibility and turning it over to another person. You may have felt that abdicating responsibility felt safer because being responsible is too much power and not everyone wants that. But it’s also a place of great freedom. You no longer have to blame others for your circumstances–you are free to choose your own. When you take responsibility for everything in your life, if you don’t like the outcome, you can change the choices you made and create a different outcome.

4. TAKE RISKS, step outside all that’s safe and familiar.

When you say YES to personal choice, you can exercise your freedom to say and do and be and have whatever you want. If you’ve always eaten spaghetti and meatballs at an Italian restaurant, next time try lasagna or eggplant parmesan. If you’ve always vacationed at your time share in Hawaii, next year go to Paris. As you step more and more into personal choice and get comfortable with it, test yourself by doing new, exciting things with your life.

5. MONITOR YOUR THOUGHTS, they are your power of creation.

Personal choice begins with knowing yourself, knowing what you like, who you are. If you’ve never been introspective, start to listen to your thoughts. Take five minutes every day and sit quietly and listen. Ask yourself questions and listen for the answers. Write in a journal. As you get more comfortable listening to your inner dialogue, keep your thoughts positive and supportive. As you step into your power and exercise your personal choice, your positive thoughts will support you in creating positive outcomes.

Enjoy your life to the fullest as you say YES to personal choice.

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