Slow Down Fast Personal Coaching and Lifestyle Design » Emotional IQ

Silencing the Voices in Your Head

David B. Bohl — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:29:04 +0000

Do you ever have conversations in your own mind… to the point of utter distraction or maybe even obsession?

I was talking with a friend the other day who had agreed to take on some freelance work. The work was of the ordinary variety, maybe even a tad on the dull side… and so my friend confessed to me that during the task, his mind took him to a negative place.

Uncertain about this new client relationship, my friend said he became consumed with worry and anger. Instead of enjoying the task, he began anticipating that the client would try to screw him out of money. In his mind, he was having imaginary words with the client, arguing over future payment.

After all this exhausting mental anguish… my friend learned later that the client was pleased with the job he did, amenable to the agreed-upon price, and even ready with a tip for the extra effort!

Does this ever happen to you? Do the “voices in your head” psych you out for no good reason? Do they hold you back from trying new things, stifle your real voice, or tell you to be on your guard against people who might try to take advantage of you?

In the coaching world, they call this “self talk”. Self-talk can be positive or negative, and I think we all know when our brains have taken us to the Dark Side. Negative self talk is your runaway mind getting the best of you. It’s self destructive, it contaminates our relationships, and takes us away from our goals, hopes and dreams.

The question is, how do you escape from that place, where the tormentor and source of your own misery is actually YOU?

I say, start by examining the REASONS why your mind is taking you on a trip to Unhappy Land. Then, look at what’s REALLY happening and how you can shift your perspective to change your behavior.

What’s the source of the negative mental dialogue? It could be…

1. Events from your past that have shaped how you form opinions today.

Did someone or something once make you feel inferior – as though you were never good enough? If it happens frequently, the backlash from such treatment can put us on the defensive, not just in that particular situation, but in every situation. This can gradually erode our self-esteem to the point that in our minds, the entire world is against us. Of course, this can’t possibly be true.

If you feel (or if people have told you) that you’re an exceptionally mistrustful person, consider the reasons why. Of course, it didn’t take a day to become this way, and it won’t take a day to make peace with the feelings. But an acknowledgement of how you arrived at this unhappy state can open the door enough to finally release pent up, negative energy. Exercise and hard work can be a constructive channel for this energy, provided you have owned up to the feelings. In some cases, it may even help to talk out such issues with a coach or counselor.

2. Boredom.

Did you ever notice that when you’re being challenged and stimulated, there’s less room in your mind for those naysaying voices to creep in? Let’s say that every day, from the minute you wake up, your mental chatter is conjuring up unpleasant scenarios and possibilities at work. You’re fantasizing about telling your boss off. You’re imagining what it would be like to confront coworkers who make you miserable. You’re playing and replaying old tapes of past conversations – things that should be resolved in your mind, not ruminated over endlessly. The antagonistic scenes play on, in the back of your brain, through your day’s activities.

Now, as one might assume, this could point to a few professional relationships that are in disrepair and need mending. But it could also simply indicate that you’re no longer being challenged at your job. Take an objective look at your coworkers. If it will make you feel better, talk over what happened with an objective, outside third party.

In the end, you might conclude that your coworkers’ behavior is mostly acceptable (and that maybe you’re being exceptionally hard on them). And that’s when it might occur to you that the person who needs to change is you! A new skill, a new vocation, a new scene – something to engage your mind, give you the opportunity to solve meaningful problems, and burn some neural pathways. Anything but the dead-end road you’ve been driving every day!

3. Lack of autonomy.

Let’s say that someone – your boss, your mother, your teacher, or whomever, requests a specific favor or action of you. And let’s say that the request is politely delivered. However, instead of simply obliging this person, you get angry. The voices pipe up and run your mind in circles, pulling you away from what you need to accomplish.

Why does this happen? Well, consider the pattern of your thoughts as you react negatively toward what’s being asked of you. Is it that you feel controlled by the person who is doing the asking? Is it that you feel above the task… as though your mind could be better spent solving a more complex problem? Or, is it that the task itself is needless, and you see a better way of resolving the issue?

If it’s the latter, then you might just consider breaking free from the situation you are currently in. Maybe you work at a job that doesn’t excite you. Maybe you live with someone who doesn’t share a “live and let live” attitude. Maybe you feel that you have good ideas, but you aren’t able to exercise them.

I think that when people fall into a routine, they’re less likely to recognize when someone is impinging on their right to free will. That’s because they’re so used to doing the same things over and over, that the “wrong” things start to feel “right” because they’re familiar – and familiarity is comfortable. But if you listen to those voices in your head, they might just be hearkening you to the beat of a new drum – your own!

Maybe, just maybe, the “voices” in your head have a message to share. The message is… it’s time for a change!

What can you do or say differently, to get those voices to start laughing and singing and cheering you on?

Care to share a story about a time when the “voices” inspired you to take action in your life? Leave your comment on the Slow Down Fast blog.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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Five Myths about Life and How You Should Be Living It

David B. Bohl — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:00:56 +0000

Every day, we’re bombarded by television commercials, celebrity spokespeople, and advertisements telling us the “right” way to live.

We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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6 Tips for Streamlining a Project

David B. Bohl — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 05:00:04 +0000

Whether you’re a full time corporate employee or a solopreneur, there have been times when clients or bosses drop large projects into your lap.

Suppose someone hands you a five-pound box of paper and tells you that it’s part of a project that’s due next week!

Or what about if you’re creating a business model for your own company – that’s a pretty voluminous project.

Here are some must-have tips for streamlining the work so that things get done right and move forward according to schedule.

Create a plan

A house builder doesn’t just show up at the site and start building. He works closely with an architect, creating blueprints–a plan on how the structure will be created and built. The same holds true for any type of project you’re working on. You need to have a big picture view of the project and then sit down and plan out how you’re going to get from start to finish.

While planning may seem like an extra step when you can just get right to it, it can actually save you a lot of time and mistakes in the long run, making it faster to get from start to finish than if you just wing it as you go along.

Form a team

Teamwork is an ideal way to streamline a project — in fact, many small business owners form teams of freelance professionals to churn out work faster, please clients with their expertise, and pull in more profit in less time.

Each team member should bring something unique to the table, so assign tasks that utilize these talents. Not only will you get the task completed quicker, but you’ll get it done effectively because you’ll have the best people working on what they do best. If you’ve ever attempted to “do it all alone,” you know how disconcerting that can be, not to mention what a time and energy drainer. When you form a team, even if you’re paying money to those people, you’re giving yourself back the gift of time and energy to focus on other important things.

Create a timeline

While a plan lists out the tasks required to get the project done, a timeline adds deadlines to the tasks. Creating a timeline lets everyone know when each task has to be completed, and also gives a sense of cooperation – because you’re depending on another person’s expedience before you can move forward with your portion of the work. Timelines also helps to eliminate procrastination. If everyone involved strives to meet the deadlines, the project begins to take on momentum and a sense of accomplishment – while fuels expedience even more!

Create procedures

Now that you know where you’re going with the project (plan) and when you need to get there, you’ve got to figure out how this will be pulled off. Will you automate certain parts of this by utilizing the appropriate computer programs? Will you outsource to other people who can offer part-time help for less than you would have paid a full-timer? What about communication – is it worth mapping out explicit instructions for people to follow, so that each person takes the shortest distance to success?

Each time you tap into another productive solution, document it and turn it into instructions that other members of the team can use to help move things along. By creating procedures, you’re creating the directions, the road map if you will, on how to get from one task to the next, finally bringing the project to completion. Also – if someone else brings a new idea to the table on how to get something done even faster or more efficiently – hear them out. Procedures should be adhered to, but also offer some flexibility. After all, you want to do what truly works, not what you think will work! This is how great companies continue to innovate new solutions every day!

Keep track of the progress

It’s not enough to just create a plan and run with it. It also streamlines the process if you keep track of how the project’s progressing. As a task is completed, check it off or highlight it before moving on to the next task. If the group reaches a milestone, pump in some fresh energy with a little celebrating and some kudos all around – this keeps spirits fresh and motivation levels high.

If a deadline is looming, make sure that everyone working on the project is reminded of what has to be completed and when — this way, there can be no excuses or oversights. If deadlines are being missed, try to figure out why so that the problem can be corrected and avoided as you move along. Don’t forget to document your solution as part of the procedure or “order of operations.”

Have a back-up plan

Even the perfect plans run into snags, so make sure you have a back-up plan in place. During the planning process, try to anticipate problems or issues that may come up during the project and prepare for how you’ll deal with these snags.

In order to streamline a project, you’ve got to take control. Plan before you jump in with both feet. Form a team and assign tasks to various people to get the job done faster and more effectively. Set deadlines and stick to them. Figure out how you’re going to carry the plan out. In case something goes wrong, make sure you have a back-up plan in place. If you do these six things, you’ll be well on your way to seeing your project finished a lot faster than if you muddle through it as you go.

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6 People to Avoid in the Professional World

David B. Bohl — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 05:00:28 +0000

Let’s face it, the workplace can be like a battlefield. It’s hard enough that you have to huddle in a little cubicle, slagging away every day to support yourself and your family, but you also have a bunch of workplace drama that you usually have to deal with, too.

While this is not true of all work environments, there are some people in your professional crowd that you definitely want to avoid. Learn the traits of these professional piranhas, and stay out of their treacherous pond at work, so you don’t get eaten alive and watch your career go down in flames.

Idea Thief

The idea thief is the one who takes your great ideas and somehow turns them into his or her own great ideas. He recognizes a good idea when he swipes one, and runs straight to the powers that be to sell them on his grand plan before the creator gets a whiff of what just happened.

How to Deal With Him:

Whatever you do, don’t sell yourself short! Never give away your great ideas for free. Make sure you share them with the appropriate person and not someone who has the opportunity to use your own information against you. Once you identify who the credibility crook is, steer clear!

If you’re forced into a situation where you must work directly with an idea thief, be protective and proactive. Share your work with your boss before the idea thief gets his dirty little paws on it. If you’re brainstorming on email, be sure to CC your boss on all original work created by you. This way, the idea thief will get the hint, and go sponge off someone else’s smarts!

Slacker Steve

These are the workers that sit on a committee or a team, but don’t contribute anything to the project or job task. A group project is the ideal situation for this person, because the rest of the team that has to pick up the slack of Slacker Steve if they want to get the job done. And the worse part is that the slacker gets just as much credit for completing the job task as all of the people who actually worked!

How to Deal with Him:

Nobody likes to be the office tattletale, but if you get stuck bearing the burden of a tough project with only Slacker Steve to offer assistance, take the matter to someone higher up on the food chain. Explain that you feel more comfortable working independently, or perhaps you’d be better paired with someone else in the group who matches your level of industriousness. If that doesn’t work, come right and say that you don’t feel like Steve is pulling his weight. In general, slackers make things draining and frustrating for the rest of us, so stay clear of working with with these toads if you can!

The Control Freak

Next, you have those in the crowd who have to control everything. From what time the meeting is scheduled to assigning tasks to nitpicking the grammar and then changing it back again, the control freak has to have their hands on all aspects of the task at hand. Even when they assign the tasks to a group, the work is never as good as if they had done it themselves, so they end up doing your work for you, or redoing work you’ve already done.

How to Deal With Him:

You have one of two choices when stuck working with the Control Freak. One, you can take a passive role in the project and simply let him micro-manage you. However, this tends to come back and bite you, because if the Control Freak gets out of control, you’ll likely be the one blamed for whatever he messed up. Another option is to somehow finagle a situation where the control freak becomes so engrossed in whatever he’s doing that he can’t possibly have time to pick on your work.

Or, there is always option three, which is to direct his attention to a lesser individual in the group – someone with less experience, who is more likely to actually NEED his constant instructions. In general though, being in the driver’s seat is the control freak’s power feeder, so don’t add fuel to the fire.

Debbie Downer

The power of positive thinking works. If you surround yourself with positive people and have a positive attitude of your own, you’ll go a lot farther than if you hang with a crowd of Negative Nellies. Unfortunately there is always the Debbie or Nellie of the crowd… the one who, if there’s an open parking spot close to the building, will complain that now everyone can watch her as she eats lunch in her car. You all got bonuses, but according to Debbie Downer, it’s not enough… you know the type I refer to! If you get wrapped up in her negativity, she’s going to drag you down.

How to Deal With Her:

If you find yourself stuck under the same raincloud, bring an umbrella! Or, I should say a pair of earphones. Listening to music while working is a great way to drone out the Debbie Downers of the world. Also, make it known (in a polite way of course) that you do not share her pessimistic attitude.

Keep your mind focused on the good things. Use that energy to motivate the rest of the team. Or, at the very least… if Debbie Downer criticizes a certain aspect of work that’s fixable… why not take her advice and work toward improvement! Keep it up, and who knows… you might even get a pay raise for your effort.

Bootlicker Bob

Bootlicker Bob only cares about himself and his success, so he’ll do anything to get ahead. Also known as brownnosers, bootlickers focus all of their energy on making themselves look good and their colleagues look bad. They’re usually the ones trailing the boss, answering to his or her every whim.

How to Deal With Him:

Bootlicker Bob is probably the least harmful out of all the workplace weasles you may encounter. He’s annoying more than anything else – so find ways to avoid him and/or drown him out. If you see that Bootlicker Bob’s sucking up has outed you from a few opportunities to be noticed for your good work, then be the squeaky wheel and make some (positive) noise of your own. If he’s a snitch, keep your nose clean and document everything you do. It’s a good practice to get into anyway, regardless of whether there’s a brownnoser sniffing about.

Backstabber Betty

Similar to bootlickers, backstabbers will do anything it takes to get ahead. They’ll throw you and other colleagues under the bus in a heartbeat, if it means getting that promotion, earning the boss’s praise, or snagging that pay raise.

How to Deal with Her:

Avoid backstabbers like the plague and you’ll avoid becoming one of their casualties in the workplace. Also, play your cards close to the vest, just as you would with the Idea Thief. Keep communication reserved for you and your boss, and try to pair up on projects with someone else, who won’t try to take your credit or steal your thunder. Again, ask if you can go it solo for certain tasks – it will certainly allow you to prove your own competence without old Betty knifing you when you’re not looking, just so she can claw her way to the top!

At work, you have to deal with a lot of different types of people. While there are many good folks that you probably enjoy working with, others can be toxic to you and your career. Stay clear of these six types and you’re sure to soar ahead without any workplace drama.

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How to Be Memorable

David B. Bohl — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 05:00:49 +0000

How many times have you read a quotable quote by a famous person and thought, “I wish I could have such great insight”?

One-liners are often meaningful and memorable, but what about the context they were taken from? While it’s great to be remembered for snippets of brilliant conversation, it’s better to be memorable for being a great conversationalist as a whole.

If you’d like to heighten the value of your conversations, here are some tips to consider.

Think Before You Speak

People often have a tendency to blurt out whatever pops into their minds before thinking about the impact it may have on their conversational audience. While flashes of genius may occur occasionally, it’s more likely that a well-thought-out comment will have a greater impact.

Furthermore, when you allow yourself to air your thoughts without consideration to who you’re speaking to or how it may affect them, you can end up saying things you may regret later on, whether it be hurtful comments or simply viewpoints you are not prepared to defend. Instead, take the time during your conversations to carefully consider your remarks. You will find that not only do you become more a memorable speaker, but you won’t have to spend time backpedaling later on comments you didn’t mean.

Know Your Audience

What do you think would be more memorable to a stay-at-home parent – a talk about healthy cooking and recipes for families on a budget or a discussion on the facts and fiction of high-fructose corn syrup? While both topics may contain beneficial knowledge, the former is more likely to keep a parent’s attention and interest because it relates more directly to things a parent may be experiencing.

The point is, to be memorable, you must know who you’re talking to and what will stay with them after the conversation is finished. Whether you are giving an informal lecture to a group of college students or meeting for coffee with your neighbor, being memorable in conversation is all about relating to your audience and talking about things that are of importance to them.

Listen

Contrary to what you may think, memorable conversations do not have to be one-sided. If your conversations become more like soliloquies, the person or people you are speaking to are more likely to tune you out. Great discussions require an even (or close to it) share of the speaking time. That means you need to listen as much as you talk.

When you feel strongly about a subject, it may be hard to take the time to hear what another person is saying, but doing so will allow you to analyze their point of view and respond accordingly, rather than having a one-track mind. If your partner in conversation feels like you acknowledge and understand his perspective, he is also more likely to attribute value to your statements.

Be Sincere

Last but most certainly not least, you absolutely have to be sincere about your topics of conversation in order to be memorable. People are perceptive, and they will know if you are faking it. Conversely, however, they will also know if you are truly passionate and genuine in what you are saying. Everyone appreciates earnest conversation, and they will be more likely to let what you are saying sink in and affect them if they believe you mean it.

Becoming a memorable conversationalist is not difficult, but it does take thought and consideration. Always think about the impact of your statements before they come out of your mouth, and try to know what matters to your listeners so that you can converse about topics that relate to their interests.

Furthermore, be a listener yourself. Don’t allow your knowledge on a subject or fervent feelings about it to overshadow the thoughts and opinions of others. And lastly, always be sincere when you speak. Try these tips and you never know – you just may find your words of wisdom next to those of Eleanor Roosevelt or Albert Einstein on Bartleby.com!

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Five Great Leaders of Our Time and What We Can Learn from Them

David B. Bohl — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 05:00:13 +0000

by David Bohl, Personal Coach and Lifestyle Designer

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a leader as “a person who has commanding authority or influence.” Though this definition leaves room for leaders who influence their followers in a negative manner, such as Adolf Hitler, there are many leaders who have changed the world for good. In taking a page from the book of these modern-day leaders for positive change, you can improve upon your own life.

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah’s rags-to-riches rise to fame is a well-known story, especially since she has been noted as the most influential woman in the world. However, despite the fact that she can afford the best of the best, Oprah has remained true to her humble roots. Being at the head of a media empire as large as hers has subjected her to criticism and mocking, whether aimed at her weight, her romantic life, or her choice of reading material, but Oprah has found a way to succeed in spite of the naysayers. Through all of her ups and downs in the public eye, Oprah has upheld her own values and done things the way she believed was right. Take a tip from Oprah and follow your gut. It doesn’t mean you will be without hardships or criticisms, but when you do achieve something great, you’ll know it was because you stayed true to yourself.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech is one of the most quoted and most recognized speeches in all of history. At the time in American history when Martin Luther King Jr. spoke his famous words, the climate was tense and racially charged. Yet somehow, Dr. King remained a dreamer. He did not give up hope that one day his mission would be accomplished. Though his life met a tragic and early end, Dr. King should inspire you to dare to dream. When you allow yourself to have hope for the future, you never know when your dreams will come true.

Bono

It may be trendy to go by a one-word name, but Bono has done much more for the world than just following in the footsteps of Cher or Madonna. He is known as one of the world’s most prominent philanthropists and is often seen singing at benefit shows or acting as a spokesperson for charitable organizations. The lesson to learn from Bono is an obvious one – remember those less fortunate than you. Whether you have been blessed with unfathomable riches or you barely earn more than minimum wage, everyone can find something to give back to the global community. You’ll find that not only are you changing the lives of others when you give your time or money, but you’re also bettering yourself.

Al Gore

Al Gore has come a long way since losing the 2000 presidential election by a narrow margin. Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, or Libertarian, you have to acknowledge that for someone to spend the amount of time as is required to run for President of the United States and then lose in such a closely contended race as Mr. Gore, the result must be devastating. However, in the year 2008, the tides have turned. Al Gore is now a Nobel Prize winner and a well-known advocate for the fight against global warming. After his loss in the presidential race, he regrouped and found a way to follow his passion. In the same way, when you experience a disappointment in life, don’t give up. Use your setback to reevaluate your goals and find opportunities for future successes.

Bill Gates

A lot can be said about Bill Gates’ accomplishments as a businessman and a philanthropist. He is the richest American and one of the most well-known entrepreneurs ever. However, as much as Mr. Gates’ fame and fortune have brought him, he chose to step down as chief executive officer of Microsoft in 2000. You’d think it would be easy to become a workaholic when your company is as successful as his, but Bill Gates chose to pass on his obligations as a full-time Microsoft leader and pursue other opportunities. Similarly, even if you don’t have the luxury to retire early, make sure to maintain a balance between your work life and your personal life. No matter how successful you are in your career, you won’t be able to keep up “all work and no play” forever.

New leaders emerge each and every day in the world. They come from different walks of life and can teach you different lessons about how to succeed. The leaders in this article have been successful in their endeavors to change the world. By learning from the way they live their lives, you too can become a mover and a shaker.

Find Your True Calling and Be Happy.

David Bohl is offering The Happiness Trilogy as an alternative to personal coaching. Three self-improvement guides, packaged together at one low price. Includes “Your Life in Balance,” “The Goal Book,” and “Your Personal Mission Statement.” Learn more and order today!

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Let’s All Buckle Down and Live Right

David B. Bohl — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 09:00:05 +0000

by David Bohl, Personal Coach and Lifestyle Designer

The 21st-century world can be a dangerous place. The wide reach of the Internet and other technological developments makes people more interconnected than ever before. Though this interconnectedness can oftentimes be a positive thing, it opens the doors for identity thieves, child predators, and scam artists to take advantage of unsuspecting victims.

Furthermore, when news headlines are filled with stories of morally bankrupt business leaders and dishonest politicians, it makes the path to righteousness seem like an uphill battle. However, you can start the climb and hopefully have an effect on others by buckling down and beginning to live right.

Know Your Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments brought down by Moses from Mount Sinai are often referenced when people cite their personal rules for living. Whether or not you use the Bible as your ethical measuring tape, it is important to have your own code of ethics to live by.

Survey your life and the world around you. What do you believe is right or wrong? Subjects such as abortion and the death penalty are hotly contested moral issues in the public eye, but when it comes to how you live on a daily basis, attempt to formulate guidelines that you feel comfortable with and then put them into action.

Find Your Purpose

If you work full-time, you likely spend over 2,000 hours at your place of employment in one year. Sure, some of those hours are spent eating lunch and chatting with colleagues around the water cooler, but the bulk of your time spent at work is used to contribute to your company’s purpose. When you spend such a huge amount of time on something, isn’t it only natural that you should feel useful in your position?

If you don’t feel fulfilled and like you have a purpose at work, it could be time to seek out a change that will allow you to feel more satisfied. Think of your personal code of ethics and what you value. Do you see these values coming into play in your work week? Having a job that helps you feel constructive and effective in the broader sense of things will certainly help you on your way to living right.

Do Unto Others…

Everyone knows the Golden Rule, “do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” but not everyone lives by it. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and let stress rule your attitude and the way you treat others, but living right requires a determination to override negative feelings and focus on treating others with respect.

So, the next time your server at a restaurant brings you a hamburger cooked medium-well instead of the rare you asked for, or a newly licensed teenager rear-ends you at a traffic light, think back to a time when you got yourself into a situation that required a little grace and channel that energy.

Give Back

Anyone who has spent time volunteering can tell you that to give is better than to receive. No matter what stage of life you are in – rich or poor, young or old – opportunities abound in your community to help those in need. Volunteering can be a one-day, one-year, or even one-hour commitment, but its impact is sure to last much longer.

If you have plenty to give but don’t know where to allocate your resources, try searching the VolunteerMatch website. VolunteerMatch allows you to search by location and also by keyword. You can even search for virtual volunteering opportunities! Whether you choose to donate blood, tutor a child, or build a home, giving back to your community is a surefire way to start living right.

Buckling down and living right is not a fast process, but it certainly is a life-changing one. Don’t underestimate the power of your own resolve and the changes you can make in the world. Begin by analyzing your personal code of ethics and finding a purpose in your work, but continue the process by treating others how you would like to be treated and giving back to your community.

In the end, you will find your own life has been changed and the positive ripples that flow outward from your actions will in turn change the lives of others.

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5 Ways to Stay True to Yourself and Not Offend Others in the Process

David B. Bohl — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 09:00:05 +0000

by David Bohl

The business world can be a tricky place when dealing with doing what’s right–keeping your personal values and morals in check. While you have to separate your business life from your personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to turn into someone you’re not in order to be successful.

It’s also important not to offend others in the process of doing what you think is right. You have to keep you personal views and what others think balanced. Keep these five suggestions in mind and you’ll be well on your way to doing what is right for you and not ticking people off as you go.

1. Know yourself.

We’re all different, which makes the world a much more interesting place. You may have a big mouth without a filter–saying exactly how you feel about things without thinking about how it sounds or how others will take it. Maybe you make faces that come off as bad to an observer but you really don’t mean anything by it. You have to know yourself–what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are. When you have this knowledge, you can do something about it so that you can still speak your mind and be yourself, but in more of an appropriate manner.

2. Express yourself.

It’s kind of like the Madonna song, you have to learn how to express yourself. If you’re supposed to be a marketing consultant and you’re attending a client meeting, but you just sit there like a timid mouse and don’t say a word, what do you think your chances are for landing this company as a new client? Zippo! If one of their ways of promoting their service to potential clients is killing their sales, find a tactful way to let them know this. It’s not by blurting out, “You’re doing it all wrong. No wonder your sales are down!” Maybe it’s something more refined like, “My other clients that have used the same type of promotion saw a rapid decline in their sales also. When we started working together and put together a comprehensive marketing plan that incorporated a combination of print, online, radio, and TV ads, their business increased by 30%.” It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. But you have to say it–don’t just sit there and say nothing.

3. Set boundaries.

Boundaries getting crossed are what usually makes you feel uncomfortable–like you’re not being true to yourself. So make sure that you set boundaries and don’t let them get crossed. For example, may be your company throws happy hour networking events all of the time. Your colleagues come to the event and treat it more like a college kegger than a business meeting–getting drunk and slurring their words as they talk to prospective clients. It’s not that you have something against drinking, but it’s the excess you have an issue with. Nobody says you have to drink to the point of getting drunk. Nobody says you have to drink at all. You can only be responsible for your own actions. If you really feel like these cocktail parties are affecting the business, then suggest an alternative way to mingle with prospects that’ll shed a better light on your company.

4. Be accountable.

It’s worth repeating, you are the only one that can control your actions. Be accountable for what you do. If you make a mistake, owe up to it. If you do something that is successful, share it with your boss and colleagues. Don’t be boastful and say it with an “I’m better than you” attitude, but be matter of fact and truthful.

5. Be fair and respectful.

Everyone is different. The way that you see something or the way you believe may be completely different from what others think. You have to be fair and respectful of these differences. Agree to disagree if necessary. Just like you want someone to respect your wishes, you have to respect others wishes as well. It goes back to that “don’t talk about politics and religion” rule because if your opinions differ then it could be war.

You can do what you feel is right without offending other people. First, you’ve got to take a good look at who you are. Then you’ve got to respect the differences between you and others. Finally, you have to find a way to tactfully and respectfully do what you think is right in a way that doesn’t hurt the people around you.

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