We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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Suppose someone hands you a five-pound box of paper and tells you that it’s part of a project that’s due next week!

Or what about if you’re creating a business model for your own company – that’s a pretty voluminous project.

Here are some must-have tips for streamlining the work so that things get done right and move forward according to schedule.

Create a plan

A house builder doesn’t just show up at the site and start building. He works closely with an architect, creating blueprints–a plan on how the structure will be created and built. The same holds true for any type of project you’re working on. You need to have a big picture view of the project and then sit down and plan out how you’re going to get from start to finish.

While planning may seem like an extra step when you can just get right to it, it can actually save you a lot of time and mistakes in the long run, making it faster to get from start to finish than if you just wing it as you go along.

Form a team

Teamwork is an ideal way to streamline a project — in fact, many small business owners form teams of freelance professionals to churn out work faster, please clients with their expertise, and pull in more profit in less time.

Each team member should bring something unique to the table, so assign tasks that utilize these talents. Not only will you get the task completed quicker, but you’ll get it done effectively because you’ll have the best people working on what they do best. If you’ve ever attempted to “do it all alone,” you know how disconcerting that can be, not to mention what a time and energy drainer. When you form a team, even if you’re paying money to those people, you’re giving yourself back the gift of time and energy to focus on other important things.

Create a timeline

While a plan lists out the tasks required to get the project done, a timeline adds deadlines to the tasks. Creating a timeline lets everyone know when each task has to be completed, and also gives a sense of cooperation – because you’re depending on another person’s expedience before you can move forward with your portion of the work. Timelines also helps to eliminate procrastination. If everyone involved strives to meet the deadlines, the project begins to take on momentum and a sense of accomplishment – while fuels expedience even more!

Create procedures

Now that you know where you’re going with the project (plan) and when you need to get there, you’ve got to figure out how this will be pulled off. Will you automate certain parts of this by utilizing the appropriate computer programs? Will you outsource to other people who can offer part-time help for less than you would have paid a full-timer? What about communication – is it worth mapping out explicit instructions for people to follow, so that each person takes the shortest distance to success?

Each time you tap into another productive solution, document it and turn it into instructions that other members of the team can use to help move things along. By creating procedures, you’re creating the directions, the road map if you will, on how to get from one task to the next, finally bringing the project to completion. Also – if someone else brings a new idea to the table on how to get something done even faster or more efficiently – hear them out. Procedures should be adhered to, but also offer some flexibility. After all, you want to do what truly works, not what you think will work! This is how great companies continue to innovate new solutions every day!

Keep track of the progress

It’s not enough to just create a plan and run with it. It also streamlines the process if you keep track of how the project’s progressing. As a task is completed, check it off or highlight it before moving on to the next task. If the group reaches a milestone, pump in some fresh energy with a little celebrating and some kudos all around – this keeps spirits fresh and motivation levels high.

If a deadline is looming, make sure that everyone working on the project is reminded of what has to be completed and when — this way, there can be no excuses or oversights. If deadlines are being missed, try to figure out why so that the problem can be corrected and avoided as you move along. Don’t forget to document your solution as part of the procedure or “order of operations.”

Have a back-up plan

Even the perfect plans run into snags, so make sure you have a back-up plan in place. During the planning process, try to anticipate problems or issues that may come up during the project and prepare for how you’ll deal with these snags.

In order to streamline a project, you’ve got to take control. Plan before you jump in with both feet. Form a team and assign tasks to various people to get the job done faster and more effectively. Set deadlines and stick to them. Figure out how you’re going to carry the plan out. In case something goes wrong, make sure you have a back-up plan in place. If you do these six things, you’ll be well on your way to seeing your project finished a lot faster than if you muddle through it as you go.

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While this is not true of all work environments, there are some people in your professional crowd that you definitely want to avoid. Learn the traits of these professional piranhas, and stay out of their treacherous pond at work, so you don’t get eaten alive and watch your career go down in flames.

Idea Thief

The idea thief is the one who takes your great ideas and somehow turns them into his or her own great ideas. He recognizes a good idea when he swipes one, and runs straight to the powers that be to sell them on his grand plan before the creator gets a whiff of what just happened.

How to Deal With Him:

Whatever you do, don’t sell yourself short! Never give away your great ideas for free. Make sure you share them with the appropriate person and not someone who has the opportunity to use your own information against you. Once you identify who the credibility crook is, steer clear!

If you’re forced into a situation where you must work directly with an idea thief, be protective and proactive. Share your work with your boss before the idea thief gets his dirty little paws on it. If you’re brainstorming on email, be sure to CC your boss on all original work created by you. This way, the idea thief will get the hint, and go sponge off someone else’s smarts!

Slacker Steve

These are the workers that sit on a committee or a team, but don’t contribute anything to the project or job task. A group project is the ideal situation for this person, because the rest of the team that has to pick up the slack of Slacker Steve if they want to get the job done. And the worse part is that the slacker gets just as much credit for completing the job task as all of the people who actually worked!

How to Deal with Him:

Nobody likes to be the office tattletale, but if you get stuck bearing the burden of a tough project with only Slacker Steve to offer assistance, take the matter to someone higher up on the food chain. Explain that you feel more comfortable working independently, or perhaps you’d be better paired with someone else in the group who matches your level of industriousness. If that doesn’t work, come right and say that you don’t feel like Steve is pulling his weight. In general, slackers make things draining and frustrating for the rest of us, so stay clear of working with with these toads if you can!

The Control Freak

Next, you have those in the crowd who have to control everything. From what time the meeting is scheduled to assigning tasks to nitpicking the grammar and then changing it back again, the control freak has to have their hands on all aspects of the task at hand. Even when they assign the tasks to a group, the work is never as good as if they had done it themselves, so they end up doing your work for you, or redoing work you’ve already done.

How to Deal With Him:

You have one of two choices when stuck working with the Control Freak. One, you can take a passive role in the project and simply let him micro-manage you. However, this tends to come back and bite you, because if the Control Freak gets out of control, you’ll likely be the one blamed for whatever he messed up. Another option is to somehow finagle a situation where the control freak becomes so engrossed in whatever he’s doing that he can’t possibly have time to pick on your work.

Or, there is always option three, which is to direct his attention to a lesser individual in the group – someone with less experience, who is more likely to actually NEED his constant instructions. In general though, being in the driver’s seat is the control freak’s power feeder, so don’t add fuel to the fire.

Debbie Downer

The power of positive thinking works. If you surround yourself with positive people and have a positive attitude of your own, you’ll go a lot farther than if you hang with a crowd of Negative Nellies. Unfortunately there is always the Debbie or Nellie of the crowd… the one who, if there’s an open parking spot close to the building, will complain that now everyone can watch her as she eats lunch in her car. You all got bonuses, but according to Debbie Downer, it’s not enough… you know the type I refer to! If you get wrapped up in her negativity, she’s going to drag you down.

How to Deal With Her:

If you find yourself stuck under the same raincloud, bring an umbrella! Or, I should say a pair of earphones. Listening to music while working is a great way to drone out the Debbie Downers of the world. Also, make it known (in a polite way of course) that you do not share her pessimistic attitude.

Keep your mind focused on the good things. Use that energy to motivate the rest of the team. Or, at the very least… if Debbie Downer criticizes a certain aspect of work that’s fixable… why not take her advice and work toward improvement! Keep it up, and who knows… you might even get a pay raise for your effort.

Bootlicker Bob

Bootlicker Bob only cares about himself and his success, so he’ll do anything to get ahead. Also known as brownnosers, bootlickers focus all of their energy on making themselves look good and their colleagues look bad. They’re usually the ones trailing the boss, answering to his or her every whim.

How to Deal With Him:

Bootlicker Bob is probably the least harmful out of all the workplace weasles you may encounter. He’s annoying more than anything else – so find ways to avoid him and/or drown him out. If you see that Bootlicker Bob’s sucking up has outed you from a few opportunities to be noticed for your good work, then be the squeaky wheel and make some (positive) noise of your own. If he’s a snitch, keep your nose clean and document everything you do. It’s a good practice to get into anyway, regardless of whether there’s a brownnoser sniffing about.

Backstabber Betty

Similar to bootlickers, backstabbers will do anything it takes to get ahead. They’ll throw you and other colleagues under the bus in a heartbeat, if it means getting that promotion, earning the boss’s praise, or snagging that pay raise.

How to Deal with Her:

Avoid backstabbers like the plague and you’ll avoid becoming one of their casualties in the workplace. Also, play your cards close to the vest, just as you would with the Idea Thief. Keep communication reserved for you and your boss, and try to pair up on projects with someone else, who won’t try to take your credit or steal your thunder. Again, ask if you can go it solo for certain tasks – it will certainly allow you to prove your own competence without old Betty knifing you when you’re not looking, just so she can claw her way to the top!

At work, you have to deal with a lot of different types of people. While there are many good folks that you probably enjoy working with, others can be toxic to you and your career. Stay clear of these six types and you’re sure to soar ahead without any workplace drama.

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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What, exactly, causes post-holiday blues?  For many, the simple reason is that the day doesn’t fulfill expectations.  Disappointment leads to the big let-down that many of us feel the day after Christmas (or any big event), and the best way to avoid it is simple:  lower your expectations.

Unrealistic expectations can lead to repeated disappointment, but the good news is that “lowering the bar” can reduce, if not eliminate post holiday blues and help you achieve your goals of peace on earth and good will toward men.  Some examples may include:

• If your family has never given you a standing ovation when you present your Christmas feast, the standing rib roast with tinsel on the bones probably won’t bring them to their feet either.
• The touch screen Blackberry will probably not make your sullen teenage daughter wrap her arms around you and say, “I love you Daddy.”
• If Uncle Bob drinks too much every year, he’s probably going to this year.

So, what’s the secret?  For me, it lies in using some self awareness and pinpointing what disappoints me year after year and adjusting my own expectations to meet reality.

I recently realized that my wife doesn’t like getting things that weren’t on her Christmas list.  This “light bulb moment” came after I planned a trip for her and her girlfriend tailored to suit interests I knew she had.  The trip received a lukewarm reception, and she wound up giving the gift away.  Since then, my expectations are much closer to reality.  I get links to websites selling the gifts she wants, I order them, and everyone is happy.

So where do your disappointments lie?  What are the patterns?  Family relationships?  Gift giving?  Gift receiving? Even if your expectations seem reasonable to you, (no food fight at the dinner table), if they consistently aren’t met, then they are, by definition, too high.

If we can stop expecting a perfect Christmas, with perfect food, perfect family, perfect gifts, then we can actually enjoy the day with festive music, good food, and, even, Uncle Bob.

Where have your expectations of the big day not met with reality?  Share your experiences here on the Slow Down FAST blog!

Thanks to Zen Habits for including this post on the Zen Habits Tumblelog.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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“I finally learned that you cannot help people unless they really need help, are willing to be helped, want you to help them and ask you to help them. Even then, you can only help them to help themselves.” ~ Vincent Collins

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“As more and more research reveals the differences in the male and female brains, it becomes easier for each gender to better understand the other and to allow the differences to unite rather than separate us.

After many carefully controlled studies, scientists have discovered actual physical differences between the brains of males and females. Men and women tend to maintain these unique brain characteristics throughout their lives.”

Read the rest of What Women Should Know About Men’s Brains.

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No one seems to realize the power of honesty. You are only as good as your word. No one will believe or trust you if you play verbal games. Honesty is morally right and efficient. And ultimately, always the best policy.

So when they are caught with their pants down and are backed into a corner, the slippery politicians come up with phony apologies. But, bad apologies are worse than no apology at all. In our personal and professional lives, we wouldn’t stand for this. We wouldn’t let people off the hook with bad apologies. Once your friend, partner, or business associate is caught in a lie or bad apology after the fact, your trust factor is severely reduced!

Saying the words when apologizing is often not enough. For an apology to be acceptable, you have to mean it and show it; and it should contain the 3 Rs:

Responsibility – the person must take responsibility for making the mistake and for having done harm. Admitting you are wrong is the first step in making an acceptable apology. If you live in a world of blame and complain, you are not living in the world of responsibility. Ultimately the truth will come out, so why not save the guilt and loss of trust by admitting your wrong-doing and moving on?

There’s more to an apology than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You need to swallow your pride and say, “I know I messed up.” That’s difficult for most people to admit, because we seem to strive for perfection–that ever unreachable spot on the ever distant horizon. If you truly want to make amends, acknowledge the action you took that may have hurt, humiliated, or disrespected the other person.

Of course, the level of responsibility you take in order to make your apology may vary based on the circumstances. There may be contributing factors from both parties that need to be sorted out before you both can move forward. An example might be that John is always late for meetings, and after the third time finally offers an apology to his boss, Tom. However, if Tom sent an e-mail with the meeting time and it didn’t get to John, there are contributing factors on both sides.

Remorse – they have to sincerely feel badly that their actions caused you pain. How do you demonstrate your regret or remorse for the action that you are apologizing for? First, when you take responsibility and admit your error, the person you harmed will see that you are being sincere. The injured party wants to see that the person apologizing is really sorry for the transgression they committed.

The way you deliver your apology–in person rather than by phone, letter, or e-mail–can also make a difference in the apology being accepted. If you’re apologizing, be straightforward and humble about it. Provide an explanation rather than an excuse, and don’t trivialize the situation by laughing or joking while asking for forgiveness.

You want to show the offended party that you are remorseful about what you have done. Suppose the situation entailed your forgetting to take in your neighbor’s mail while they were on vacation. You may have had good reason, like working long hours at work, or you might have merely forgotten. You would show your remorse by saying how sorry you were, admitting you messed up, and professing that you will do much better next time–if there is one.

Restitution – offer a remedy and take specific action, to right the wrong that’s been perpetrated. Aside from asking for forgiveness, you also need to face the consequences of your actions. If what you did was truly hurtful, make amends and clean up your act. You must demonstrate that you don’t intend to repeat the offense.

The best course would be to follow up the apology with positive action. For example, if you accidentally erased an important file at work, promise to retype the whole document and update your back up system — and then stick to your word. Whatever you do, don’t postpone apologizing. It is most effective when done within a relatively short time of the offending action. Otherwise, you’re living a lie and you’ll create stress on your relationship. Rather than making excuses or being evasive, swallow your pride and offer your apology. Then together, figure out what you can do to make things right between you.

Without these 3 Rs, the politician, friend, business partner, or even you, are not being honest and not being forthright with an apology. If you want to accept an apology and you want your apologies accepted, follow this simple formula.

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