Haunted by the Ghosts of Childhood

istock_000005764767xsmall.jpgIt is nice to assume everyone had a happy childhood filled with joy and laughter. Nurturing parents doted over every little accomplishment, offering words of praise and encouragement.

In a perfect world this is exactly how things would be. Unfortunately our world is far from perfect as are the people in it. Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses, our proud moments and the ones we are ashamed of.

When you really consider how childhood unfolds, even under the best of circumstances, it is amazing we emerge from it as productive adults at all. Too much doting and we are incapable of coping with adversity. Too much abuse and we learn to be guarded and distrustful. How do parents find the happy medium that teaches us resolve and determination balanced with love and compassion? And how do we manage to function in a world where just growing up can be far more challenging that it would initially seem?

1. Revisit Your Inner Child (more…)

How Praise Inspires Others to Succeed

The power of praise has been scientifically documented to help children achieve more than they had believed, providing motivation for them to reach their goals when they thought the task impossible. With children, it is imperative to praise the effort to encourage them to try harder.

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Praise is equally important in adults, but the use of praise to motivate others becomes more complicated. Catherine the Great said, “I praise loudly, I blame softly.” She was a wise woman who understood much about the human spirit, but, as with many things, there are also exceptions to the rule.

In some cases, praise has its greatest effect when it is delivered by a highly critical person. When someone has a predisposition to criticize and is difficult to please, praise can seem like an unattainable goal.

On the other hand, those who deliver praise vocally and regularly often can provide the greatest motivation by withholding it. In instances such as these, the silence screams volumes. (more…)

My Interview at Affirmawords: “What Inspires the People that Inspire Others?”

Many thanks to Michelle at the Affirmawords Blog for the opportunity to share my insights on the topic:  “What Inspires the People that Inspire Others?”

Check out my interview here.

Where Do You Want To Hang Out?

Being Alive, Awake, and Aware

istock_000004625201xsmall.jpgOne of my favorite expressions for how I like to live my life is “alive, awake, aware… and in awe.”

It’s funny though. I wasn’t always so appreciative of everything the world has to offer. “Alive, awake, aware and in awe” became my catch-phrase only after spending half a lifetime doing the exact opposite. It’s not that I was sleepwalking through life. Quite the contrary. In fact, at the rate I was going, I wasn’t even close to walking… I was an arrow hurtlingthrough space, heading in the entirely wrong direction and speeding toward disaster. Life was a complete blur.

At age 35, I was materialistic, opportunistic, success-driven, and a prime candidate for early burnout. A risk-taker to the extreme, I worked hard, partied harder, and nearly lost all that was dear to me in pursuit of The Ideal Life.

And that was the ironic thing. At the time, I was so eager to have it all, do it all, and be it all… that almost I failed to notice that “the ideal life” was already right there in my grasp.

Almost.

Often, I catch a glimpe of my former self in young people of today. (more…)

Help Your Kids Grow Up Strong

istock_000004580895xsmall.jpgDoes it take a family or a village to raise a child? This question became the subject of great controversy during the 1996 presidential election with the publication of Hillary Clinton’s well-known book, It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us.

But somewhere between the two extremes, there’s a simple truth that when the family AND “village” is dedicated to helping the next generation succeed, everybody wins. As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, mentors and educators, we all have our part in the process.

Of course, parents have the largest role and the largest stake in raising happy, well-adjusted children. We want our children and teens to make smart choices and avoid trouble. The single most effective way to bring that to pass is to concentrate on helping our kids build a strong foundation.

The nonprofit organization, Search Institute, describes this foundation as being made up of 40 essential building blocks, which they call developmental assets. (more…)

Russert and McKay Lived Authentically and as a Result, Respect Followed Them

In less than one week, Americans heard how two giants in the television business loved their work and their families even more. NBC Washington Bureau Chief and moderator of “Meet the Press,” Tim Russert, collapsed and died June 13 and just six days prior, sports journalism and fans lost CBS legend and host of “Wide World of Sports,” Jim McKay.

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From Amazon.com

While they lived different lifestyles — McKay’s assignments required regular worldwide travel while Russert’s schedule was regularly spent at NBC studios in New York and Washington — they lived with passion for their jobs and families.

Read the rest of Russert and McKay Lived Authentically and as a Result, Respect Followed Them.

Off the Beaten Path:

How to Build A Better Vacation

istock_000004701539xsmall.jpgVacations, it is often said, cause nearly as much (if not more) stress as they’re supposed to alleviate. Add to that fears of global climate change, growing awareness of environmental issues associated with travel, and the aggravation and crowds that tend to converge in popular spots, and the would-be vacationer could be forgiven for wondering if it wouldn’t just be better to stay home.

And yet, there’s something vitally important about getting away from it all, about checking out from our daily life and experiencing new vistas that gives us a thrill of excitement every time we cross off another day on the countdown calendar. But how do we counterbalance that need with the environmental damage and stress of the traditional vacation? By going non-traditional, of course. And the good news is, taking the road less traveled often means that there’s no need to chuck out the rest and rejuvenation baby with the “evils of travel” bathwater – if you do it right. (more…)

Family, Kids, Wealth, and Responsibility

From my article Kids, Wealth, and Responsibility at The Change Blog:

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Money means different things to different people. Some see it as a way of keeping score or measuring success. Others view money as simply a means to an end. In the pursuit of wealth, some have trampled their way to the top. Others seem to have glided there, nearly effortlessly.

In each of these extremes is a greater truth. Wealth magnifies your deeper personality traits. The thoughtful, caring person with access to financial resources will benefit him/herself AND others. But someone who only cares about keeping score will never have enough, regardless of the fortune amassed.

Read the rest of Kids, Wealth, and Responsibility.

Thanks to Colloquium for including this post in the Carnival of Family Life.

The Difference Between a Dad and a Father

istock_000006211123xsmall.jpgAre you a dad or a father? A dad is someone who not only physically helped to create the life of a child, but also supports that child with the basic necessities (food, clothing and shelter) and provides guidance and advice to see his child through life.

A dad demonstrates that he loves his children by interacting with them daily, letting them know that they’re a priority and that they give purpose to his life. Yes, it’s far easier to be a father than a dad. The level of personal commitment that our kids require is challenging, sometimes even overwhelming.

Career Builders’ annual Father’s Day survey* found that 37% of working dads would leave their jobs if their spouse or partner made enough money to support the family. If given the choice, another 38% would take a pay-cut to spend more time with their kids.

FathersAtWork.com reports that 70% of working fathers have a difficult time balancing their professional and personal responsibilities.

When we became parents, we made a life decision that carries more responsibility than any other. Yet, it’s easy far too easy to get caught up in work and the rest of our lives, relegating our children to a lower priority. We don’t want to admit this because in our hearts, our family comes first. But actions speak louder than words.

What can you do today to be a better dad? (more…)

Protecting Your Kids

in a World of Internet Predators

E-mail, instant messaging and social networks can be downright addictive for adults. Kids are also turning to Internet socializing in record numbers. And although this offers a fun and easy way to make friends and stay in touch, it also brings potential harm right to your child’s computer screen.

istock_000001477672xsmall.jpgAs adults, we know that the person on the other end of the Internet connection isn’t necessarily the person he/she claims to be. We’ve warned our kids about Internet predators, but is that enough?

Children are vulnerable to manipulation, intimidation and victimization because they lack emotional maturity. If they’re talking online with people they don’t know in real life or if they’re giving out personal information, they’re putting themselves at risk. These risks include exposure to inappropriate material, physical molestation, harassment and bullying, viruses and hackers, and legal/financial risk for you, the parent.

So how can we protect our kids? (more…)