We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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Suppose someone hands you a five-pound box of paper and tells you that it’s part of a project that’s due next week!

Or what about if you’re creating a business model for your own company – that’s a pretty voluminous project.

Here are some must-have tips for streamlining the work so that things get done right and move forward according to schedule.

Create a plan

A house builder doesn’t just show up at the site and start building. He works closely with an architect, creating blueprints–a plan on how the structure will be created and built. The same holds true for any type of project you’re working on. You need to have a big picture view of the project and then sit down and plan out how you’re going to get from start to finish.

While planning may seem like an extra step when you can just get right to it, it can actually save you a lot of time and mistakes in the long run, making it faster to get from start to finish than if you just wing it as you go along.

Form a team

Teamwork is an ideal way to streamline a project — in fact, many small business owners form teams of freelance professionals to churn out work faster, please clients with their expertise, and pull in more profit in less time.

Each team member should bring something unique to the table, so assign tasks that utilize these talents. Not only will you get the task completed quicker, but you’ll get it done effectively because you’ll have the best people working on what they do best. If you’ve ever attempted to “do it all alone,” you know how disconcerting that can be, not to mention what a time and energy drainer. When you form a team, even if you’re paying money to those people, you’re giving yourself back the gift of time and energy to focus on other important things.

Create a timeline

While a plan lists out the tasks required to get the project done, a timeline adds deadlines to the tasks. Creating a timeline lets everyone know when each task has to be completed, and also gives a sense of cooperation – because you’re depending on another person’s expedience before you can move forward with your portion of the work. Timelines also helps to eliminate procrastination. If everyone involved strives to meet the deadlines, the project begins to take on momentum and a sense of accomplishment – while fuels expedience even more!

Create procedures

Now that you know where you’re going with the project (plan) and when you need to get there, you’ve got to figure out how this will be pulled off. Will you automate certain parts of this by utilizing the appropriate computer programs? Will you outsource to other people who can offer part-time help for less than you would have paid a full-timer? What about communication – is it worth mapping out explicit instructions for people to follow, so that each person takes the shortest distance to success?

Each time you tap into another productive solution, document it and turn it into instructions that other members of the team can use to help move things along. By creating procedures, you’re creating the directions, the road map if you will, on how to get from one task to the next, finally bringing the project to completion. Also – if someone else brings a new idea to the table on how to get something done even faster or more efficiently – hear them out. Procedures should be adhered to, but also offer some flexibility. After all, you want to do what truly works, not what you think will work! This is how great companies continue to innovate new solutions every day!

Keep track of the progress

It’s not enough to just create a plan and run with it. It also streamlines the process if you keep track of how the project’s progressing. As a task is completed, check it off or highlight it before moving on to the next task. If the group reaches a milestone, pump in some fresh energy with a little celebrating and some kudos all around – this keeps spirits fresh and motivation levels high.

If a deadline is looming, make sure that everyone working on the project is reminded of what has to be completed and when — this way, there can be no excuses or oversights. If deadlines are being missed, try to figure out why so that the problem can be corrected and avoided as you move along. Don’t forget to document your solution as part of the procedure or “order of operations.”

Have a back-up plan

Even the perfect plans run into snags, so make sure you have a back-up plan in place. During the planning process, try to anticipate problems or issues that may come up during the project and prepare for how you’ll deal with these snags.

In order to streamline a project, you’ve got to take control. Plan before you jump in with both feet. Form a team and assign tasks to various people to get the job done faster and more effectively. Set deadlines and stick to them. Figure out how you’re going to carry the plan out. In case something goes wrong, make sure you have a back-up plan in place. If you do these six things, you’ll be well on your way to seeing your project finished a lot faster than if you muddle through it as you go.

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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What, exactly, causes post-holiday blues?  For many, the simple reason is that the day doesn’t fulfill expectations.  Disappointment leads to the big let-down that many of us feel the day after Christmas (or any big event), and the best way to avoid it is simple:  lower your expectations.

Unrealistic expectations can lead to repeated disappointment, but the good news is that “lowering the bar” can reduce, if not eliminate post holiday blues and help you achieve your goals of peace on earth and good will toward men.  Some examples may include:

• If your family has never given you a standing ovation when you present your Christmas feast, the standing rib roast with tinsel on the bones probably won’t bring them to their feet either.
• The touch screen Blackberry will probably not make your sullen teenage daughter wrap her arms around you and say, “I love you Daddy.”
• If Uncle Bob drinks too much every year, he’s probably going to this year.

So, what’s the secret?  For me, it lies in using some self awareness and pinpointing what disappoints me year after year and adjusting my own expectations to meet reality.

I recently realized that my wife doesn’t like getting things that weren’t on her Christmas list.  This “light bulb moment” came after I planned a trip for her and her girlfriend tailored to suit interests I knew she had.  The trip received a lukewarm reception, and she wound up giving the gift away.  Since then, my expectations are much closer to reality.  I get links to websites selling the gifts she wants, I order them, and everyone is happy.

So where do your disappointments lie?  What are the patterns?  Family relationships?  Gift giving?  Gift receiving? Even if your expectations seem reasonable to you, (no food fight at the dinner table), if they consistently aren’t met, then they are, by definition, too high.

If we can stop expecting a perfect Christmas, with perfect food, perfect family, perfect gifts, then we can actually enjoy the day with festive music, good food, and, even, Uncle Bob.

Where have your expectations of the big day not met with reality?  Share your experiences here on the Slow Down FAST blog!

Thanks to Zen Habits for including this post on the Zen Habits Tumblelog.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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When I think back to my own childhood, I can’t help but recall things that my parents would say. “You weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth.” You can be anything you want to be.” “The sky is the limit.” “Act your age, not your shoe size!” Some positive, some negative, but all really true, at least in my case. As I look at the basis for the things to teach my own kids through what my parents taught me, it turns out “the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”

The last thing in the world I would want to do is make my children completely dependent on me and my wife. I want to teach them about what’s really important in life. But also I want, more than anything, for them to be able to handle themselves with self assurance in this often fantastic and sometimes difficult world. As parents, maybe we need to get the idea out of our heads that we’ll be able to prepare our children for any situation. It’s not possible! The truth is that we don’t know everything, our mothers and fathers didn’t know everything, and kids will need to make their own mistakes to learn from them as you and I both did and still do.

Nurture Learning

As parents, we never want to stifle their learning. Whether it be managing their own finances, learning how to cook, doing their own laundry, finding their political way, or deciding on a career, our job is to teach them needed skills while encouraging their independence.

Make sure they know that you will support them in anyone and anything that they want to be. Instead of dictating, guide them into good decisions. Use your judgement in this case. It’s permissible to let your kids make some bad choices that they will learn from– as long as these decisions do not produce catastrophic or results or put them in harm’s way. For example, you definitely do not want the “don’t drink and drive” lesson to be one learned from personal experience. The point is, you can be a beacon of wisdom and good avice, but trying to control every person and situation they encounter may be an exercise in futility. Experience is in many cases the best teacher of all.

Teach Survival Skills

It amazes me how many kids leave the comfort and security of their parents’ home and do not know how to take care of themselves. Before they step out into the world on their own, help your children master these and other basic yet nevertheless important life survival skills:

• Driving a car (and in the city, too!)
• Balancing a checkbook and bills
• The pluses and minuses of credit and debt
• Doing their own laundry
• Pumping gas (especially if you live in a full-serve state!)
• Learning to trust and love
• Feeling confident in their decisions
• Backing up their choices
• Making spaghetti!

Trust Your Parenting Ability

As parents, we need to feel that we did all that we could to get our children on the right path. You want to trust in your abilities and let your kids go, knowing you instilled in them the strongest values and convictions. And you’d like to think that they will venture into the world holding fast to the the same morals and principles that you embrace as a human being. After all… our parents did the same with us — and we, for the most part, turned out just fine!

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David Bohl is a father, friend, personal coach and community member. To learn more about his coaching packages, click here.

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When Halloween candy hits the shelves before Labor Day and animatronic Santas are ho-ho-ho-ing at you before you’ve even had a chance to carve your Thanksgiving turkey, it’s hard not to feel rushed through the holiday season. However, difficult as it may be to pause and reflect on the meaning of the holidays, it is certainly beneficial.

If you feel like the time between Halloween and Christmas is nothing more than a blur before your eyes, try a few of these tips to slow down and enjoy your holidays this year.

Edit Out the Non-Essentials

So many holiday traditions and customs nowadays are done more so out of a feeling of obligation than a meaningful sentiment. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed with the amount of items you must complete in time for the holidays, it may be time to step back and ask yourself what is truly significant and what is simply holiday fluff. If you and your family don’t genuinely enjoy the two hours spent watching It’s a Wonderful Life, why bother watching it only out of tradition? Why not use that time to do something more productive and, hopefully, more enjoyable? Look at your holiday plans with a critical eye and try to eliminate anything that isn’t meaningful or necessary. Editing a few items from your to-do list will allow you to legitimately enjoy the items you do choose to include.

Share the Responsibilities

Unfortunately, holiday meals don’t prepare themselves, presents don’t come pre-wrapped, and the angel doesn’t climb to the top of the tree on its own. It takes a lot of time and effort behind the scenes to end up with the “ideal” holiday festivities. Attempting to do all of this work on your own can be stressful to say the least and maybe even impossible. This year, instead of running around like a gingerbread man with his head cut off, dole out some of the responsibilities to others. Take advantage of the free gift-wrapping service at department stores. Try hosting a potluck dinner instead of cooking everything on your own. Sharing the holiday responsibilities will allow you to avoid rushing through the season with the sole purpose of checking things off of your to-do list.

Take a “Staycation”

“Staycations,” or vacations where you stay at home, have become popular in the past few years due to the rising costs of travel. Not only will a staycation save you money, but it will allow you the time to spend on your holiday obligations and find time for some holiday fun, as well. Balancing work and personal time around the holidays can be especially difficult because you may feel pressured to earn extra money to make up for the additional expenses at this time of year. Still, you may want to analyze whether it would be more reasonable to cut back on a few expenditures and limit your hours in the workplace simultaneously. Holidays are a time to be spent with family and friends, not to feel bogged down with duties and deadlines. A staycation may be just what you need to allow yourself time to relax and savor the holiday moments.

This winter, whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, or Kwanzaa, don’t forget to slow down and enjoy the celebration. Rushing through the holidays will only leave you going through the motions without having time to truly take pleasure in all of the festivities. To avoid having the holidays breeze by faster than a speeding bullet, try editing your to-do list, sharing some of your responsibilities, and taking a stay-at-home vacation if you can. Surely you won’t regret it.

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“I finally learned that you cannot help people unless they really need help, are willing to be helped, want you to help them and ask you to help them. Even then, you can only help them to help themselves.” ~ Vincent Collins

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“As more and more research reveals the differences in the male and female brains, it becomes easier for each gender to better understand the other and to allow the differences to unite rather than separate us.

After many carefully controlled studies, scientists have discovered actual physical differences between the brains of males and females. Men and women tend to maintain these unique brain characteristics throughout their lives.”

Read the rest of What Women Should Know About Men’s Brains.

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