We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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What, exactly, causes post-holiday blues?  For many, the simple reason is that the day doesn’t fulfill expectations.  Disappointment leads to the big let-down that many of us feel the day after Christmas (or any big event), and the best way to avoid it is simple:  lower your expectations.

Unrealistic expectations can lead to repeated disappointment, but the good news is that “lowering the bar” can reduce, if not eliminate post holiday blues and help you achieve your goals of peace on earth and good will toward men.  Some examples may include:

• If your family has never given you a standing ovation when you present your Christmas feast, the standing rib roast with tinsel on the bones probably won’t bring them to their feet either.
• The touch screen Blackberry will probably not make your sullen teenage daughter wrap her arms around you and say, “I love you Daddy.”
• If Uncle Bob drinks too much every year, he’s probably going to this year.

So, what’s the secret?  For me, it lies in using some self awareness and pinpointing what disappoints me year after year and adjusting my own expectations to meet reality.

I recently realized that my wife doesn’t like getting things that weren’t on her Christmas list.  This “light bulb moment” came after I planned a trip for her and her girlfriend tailored to suit interests I knew she had.  The trip received a lukewarm reception, and she wound up giving the gift away.  Since then, my expectations are much closer to reality.  I get links to websites selling the gifts she wants, I order them, and everyone is happy.

So where do your disappointments lie?  What are the patterns?  Family relationships?  Gift giving?  Gift receiving? Even if your expectations seem reasonable to you, (no food fight at the dinner table), if they consistently aren’t met, then they are, by definition, too high.

If we can stop expecting a perfect Christmas, with perfect food, perfect family, perfect gifts, then we can actually enjoy the day with festive music, good food, and, even, Uncle Bob.

Where have your expectations of the big day not met with reality?  Share your experiences here on the Slow Down FAST blog!

Thanks to Zen Habits for including this post on the Zen Habits Tumblelog.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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When I think back to my own childhood, I can’t help but recall things that my parents would say. “You weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth.” You can be anything you want to be.” “The sky is the limit.” “Act your age, not your shoe size!” Some positive, some negative, but all really true, at least in my case. As I look at the basis for the things to teach my own kids through what my parents taught me, it turns out “the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”

The last thing in the world I would want to do is make my children completely dependent on me and my wife. I want to teach them about what’s really important in life. But also I want, more than anything, for them to be able to handle themselves with self assurance in this often fantastic and sometimes difficult world. As parents, maybe we need to get the idea out of our heads that we’ll be able to prepare our children for any situation. It’s not possible! The truth is that we don’t know everything, our mothers and fathers didn’t know everything, and kids will need to make their own mistakes to learn from them as you and I both did and still do.

Nurture Learning

As parents, we never want to stifle their learning. Whether it be managing their own finances, learning how to cook, doing their own laundry, finding their political way, or deciding on a career, our job is to teach them needed skills while encouraging their independence.

Make sure they know that you will support them in anyone and anything that they want to be. Instead of dictating, guide them into good decisions. Use your judgement in this case. It’s permissible to let your kids make some bad choices that they will learn from– as long as these decisions do not produce catastrophic or results or put them in harm’s way. For example, you definitely do not want the “don’t drink and drive” lesson to be one learned from personal experience. The point is, you can be a beacon of wisdom and good avice, but trying to control every person and situation they encounter may be an exercise in futility. Experience is in many cases the best teacher of all.

Teach Survival Skills

It amazes me how many kids leave the comfort and security of their parents’ home and do not know how to take care of themselves. Before they step out into the world on their own, help your children master these and other basic yet nevertheless important life survival skills:

• Driving a car (and in the city, too!)
• Balancing a checkbook and bills
• The pluses and minuses of credit and debt
• Doing their own laundry
• Pumping gas (especially if you live in a full-serve state!)
• Learning to trust and love
• Feeling confident in their decisions
• Backing up their choices
• Making spaghetti!

Trust Your Parenting Ability

As parents, we need to feel that we did all that we could to get our children on the right path. You want to trust in your abilities and let your kids go, knowing you instilled in them the strongest values and convictions. And you’d like to think that they will venture into the world holding fast to the the same morals and principles that you embrace as a human being. After all… our parents did the same with us — and we, for the most part, turned out just fine!

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David Bohl is a father, friend, personal coach and community member. To learn more about his coaching packages, click here.

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“I finally learned that you cannot help people unless they really need help, are willing to be helped, want you to help them and ask you to help them. Even then, you can only help them to help themselves.” ~ Vincent Collins

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“As more and more research reveals the differences in the male and female brains, it becomes easier for each gender to better understand the other and to allow the differences to unite rather than separate us.

After many carefully controlled studies, scientists have discovered actual physical differences between the brains of males and females. Men and women tend to maintain these unique brain characteristics throughout their lives.”

Read the rest of What Women Should Know About Men’s Brains.

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No one seems to realize the power of honesty. You are only as good as your word. No one will believe or trust you if you play verbal games. Honesty is morally right and efficient. And ultimately, always the best policy.

So when they are caught with their pants down and are backed into a corner, the slippery politicians come up with phony apologies. But, bad apologies are worse than no apology at all. In our personal and professional lives, we wouldn’t stand for this. We wouldn’t let people off the hook with bad apologies. Once your friend, partner, or business associate is caught in a lie or bad apology after the fact, your trust factor is severely reduced!

Saying the words when apologizing is often not enough. For an apology to be acceptable, you have to mean it and show it; and it should contain the 3 Rs:

Responsibility – the person must take responsibility for making the mistake and for having done harm. Admitting you are wrong is the first step in making an acceptable apology. If you live in a world of blame and complain, you are not living in the world of responsibility. Ultimately the truth will come out, so why not save the guilt and loss of trust by admitting your wrong-doing and moving on?

There’s more to an apology than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You need to swallow your pride and say, “I know I messed up.” That’s difficult for most people to admit, because we seem to strive for perfection–that ever unreachable spot on the ever distant horizon. If you truly want to make amends, acknowledge the action you took that may have hurt, humiliated, or disrespected the other person.

Of course, the level of responsibility you take in order to make your apology may vary based on the circumstances. There may be contributing factors from both parties that need to be sorted out before you both can move forward. An example might be that John is always late for meetings, and after the third time finally offers an apology to his boss, Tom. However, if Tom sent an e-mail with the meeting time and it didn’t get to John, there are contributing factors on both sides.

Remorse – they have to sincerely feel badly that their actions caused you pain. How do you demonstrate your regret or remorse for the action that you are apologizing for? First, when you take responsibility and admit your error, the person you harmed will see that you are being sincere. The injured party wants to see that the person apologizing is really sorry for the transgression they committed.

The way you deliver your apology–in person rather than by phone, letter, or e-mail–can also make a difference in the apology being accepted. If you’re apologizing, be straightforward and humble about it. Provide an explanation rather than an excuse, and don’t trivialize the situation by laughing or joking while asking for forgiveness.

You want to show the offended party that you are remorseful about what you have done. Suppose the situation entailed your forgetting to take in your neighbor’s mail while they were on vacation. You may have had good reason, like working long hours at work, or you might have merely forgotten. You would show your remorse by saying how sorry you were, admitting you messed up, and professing that you will do much better next time–if there is one.

Restitution – offer a remedy and take specific action, to right the wrong that’s been perpetrated. Aside from asking for forgiveness, you also need to face the consequences of your actions. If what you did was truly hurtful, make amends and clean up your act. You must demonstrate that you don’t intend to repeat the offense.

The best course would be to follow up the apology with positive action. For example, if you accidentally erased an important file at work, promise to retype the whole document and update your back up system — and then stick to your word. Whatever you do, don’t postpone apologizing. It is most effective when done within a relatively short time of the offending action. Otherwise, you’re living a lie and you’ll create stress on your relationship. Rather than making excuses or being evasive, swallow your pride and offer your apology. Then together, figure out what you can do to make things right between you.

Without these 3 Rs, the politician, friend, business partner, or even you, are not being honest and not being forthright with an apology. If you want to accept an apology and you want your apologies accepted, follow this simple formula.

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Don’t know what to do?

You can tell the intentions of those close to you. If your boss is tirelessly waving that promotion under your nose but never seems to deliver no matter how hard you work, do not feel guilty about leaving work early to spend time with your family. Don’t schedule lunch with your girlfriend anymore if she can’t seem to find the time to show up. Do not put yourself into the situation of being disappointed when it is in some people’s character to disappoint you and countless others. Your local representative promised lower taxes and less government involvement but the record shows the exact opposite…vote that politician out of office! Not as difficult as it might seem given that the record is there for public scrutiny.

Wonder if all absolute fact has been lost in today’s world?

I’m amazed by how difficult it is to figure out what the candidates in today’s presidential election stand for… especially with the press pushing their “unbiased” agenda. The only real solution is to not only expose yourself to all coverage (national media, cable television, talk radio, newspapers, and political journals) but to also do your own research. By cruising the candidates’ websites, you can see the consistencies and inconsistencies in their rhetoric.

It’s also interesting to see the difference in news coverage. If you watch NBC, you’ll see constant attacks on John McCain and Sarah Palin and glossing over the facts with Barack Obama and Joe Biden. When listening to Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, you will see accusations thrown at the Obama-Biden ticket and more positive spin towards the republicans.

It is a difficult task, but siphoning through the nonsense for the consistent message can be done. The basics in their intentions can be seen in their parties’ politics. If you’re looking for a candidate who supports public welfare programs through higher spending and tougher government regulations, you know where to find him. If you are looking for a candidate who promotes less government involvement and the “take care of yourself first” mentality, you know where to find him, too. The trick is weeding through the issues (economy, foreign policy, healthcare, etc.) and pushing away the none-issues.

Ignore what people say and watch what they do.

Although history isn’t always an accurate guide in determining what will happen in the future, it’s a very precise indicator of what people will do. Yes, people do change, but you won’t take notice of it until you see the change in their actions. The friend that is constantly disappointing you might take notice when you stop inviting her to do things with you and mend her ways. Your boss will notice if you call him out on your constant delivery and his constant lack thereof. Check out the bills that your congressperson did and did not vote for…you might find pork barrel spending was the reason for their Yeah or Nay vote. If not, you can still hold them accountable by voicing your opinions to their office and staff.

Look for the best in everybody – IN THEIR ACTIONS TOWARDS YOU. You might not initially like what you find, but sometimes, if you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. Be patient.

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