In celebration of April Fool’s Day…and of all Spring’s new beginnings, I wanted to encourage you to be a little bit more “foolish” in your life. There is power in daring to be different.

Great advances have never come from the conventionally minded among us. It’s always comes from us idiots who believe in love and freedom and goodness and peace. The fools of today are the visionaries of tomorrow. Those crazy fools of the past gave us electricity, medicine, automobiles, a few trips to the moon and back, not to mention hair dye and microwave dinners. God bless them all. Can you imagine the Wright brothers thinking they could snub the laws of gravity and fly? Think about it. Many of us cower and shrink thinking we’re idiots for believing we can write a screenplay that sells.

Fools dare to be alive, even on a Monday. Fools dare to take off their shoes, turn off the computer and walk outside into the sun.  They know the power, healing, and strength of having fun.  Fools dare to take off their thinking cap and try on their feelings fedora.

Fools dare to try new things and do them badly. Fools dare to rest when they are tired. Fools dare to sing off key and they dare to sing on key in a voice that melts all separation.  Fools dare to wander down interesting paths in their lives, take scenic routes and detours and stuff their bursting satchels with jewels. Fools dare to step into the river beyond the concrete structures of “how it’s always been done,” and allow themselves to be carried onto new and holy ground.

Prudence and conservatism have not advanced our culture. It took the voices on the outskirts to make a noise that changed the world. It’s taken a handful of rabble rousers to vote for women’s rights, freedom from slavery, and to oppose war, hunger, and hatred. It takes fools to raise awareness and fools to raise the bar. It takes fools to stir the hearts of mankind into becoming the great lovers and leaders we are meant to be. Every time we watch the Academy Awards or the Olympics, I think of all the “foolish dreamers” involved who believed they had something in them that deserved commitment, development, and a jostling chance. Every hero begins as fool.

So dare the ridicule of the narrow-minded and dim-sighted. Dare to still believe. Dare to feel.  Dare to trust your guiding light. Dare to ignore gravity and take flight. Dare to be a hero. Dare to be a fool.

©2009 Tama J. Kieves. All rights reserved

www.AwakeningArtistry.com

Tama J. Kieves, an honors graduate of Harvard Law School, left her law practice with a large corporate law firm to write and to embolden others to live and breathe their most meaningful self-expression. She is the best-selling author of THIS TIME I DANCE! Creating the Work You Love/How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All

which was chosen as a Finalist for the national Nautilus Book Award, along with the Dalai Lama’s The Art of Happiness.

Kieves is a sought-after speaker and leading career and book coach, who has helped thousands worldwide to discover and launch the life, calling, and business of their dreams. Her dynamic work has been featured on T.V., radio, and in national publications, such as Forbes. Her lectures receive standing ovations and she presents at Canyon Ranch, the six star spa, and is on the faculty of the world-renowned Omega Institute. She is known for her dynamic humor, electrifying presence, “realness,” compassion, and the big possibilities she brings to every room. She offers keynotes, workshops and retreats internationally. She is also an international presenter for A Course in Miracles.

She is currently the founder and president of Awakening Artistry, an organization dedicated to inspiring and supporting a global family of creative souls, visionary minds, daredevil entrepreneurs, and empowered leaders. Visit her popular website at www.AwakeningArtistry.com and sign up to receive her free monthly e-newsletter filled with support for living your best creative life. Download her free transformational report on “Finding Your Calling Now” at www.AwakeningArtistry.com.

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We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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~ Aristotle

I was shocked to read a recent study that reported less than 30% of people interviewed said they were deeply happy, and that 25% of Americans and 27% of Europeans claimed they are depressed. As a naturally happy person, I was amazed at how many unhappy people there are. Generally when I work with my coaching clients, they are not unhappy about everything in their life; they usually just have one area they are working on or one challenge to overcome.

So why are so many people unhappy? And why are so many people just going through the motions, appearing to be happy, pretending to be happy, when they’re really not?

The first step in determining if you’re happy or how happy you are is to define happiness. To some, it means doing what they want, having what they want, and being who they want, that is, fulfilling their dreams and desires. To others, it’s a state of mind that is not dependent on the outside world, but more on an inner contentment. And to still others, it’s about being responsible for their choices and accepting responsibility for whatever shows up in their lives, even if it didn’t seem like a conscious choice.

Ultimately, happiness can be defined as an emotional state, a feeling of peace, contentment, well being, joy, and connection. Most people have felt happy at some point in their lives, maybe under certain circumstances. They started a new relationship, won a valuable gift, or reached a worthwhile goal. The secret to continuing and lasting happiness I have found, is in knowing you can CHOOSE to be happy–in any circumstance, for any reason, and for no reason.

Have you ever taken a “time out” to check in with yourself to see if you’re really happy or just going through the motions? You know what I mean. People ask you every day, “Hi. How are you?” and you unconsciously say, “Fine,” when that may not be the case at all. Or you “put on a happy face” at work or with your family, just to “keep the peace,” to avoid conflicts or explanations. Or to avoid looking inside to figure out why you’re not really all that happy–at least not as happy as you appear to be. What I notice with people who are just going through the motions, is that they’ve become disconnected from their feelings. For whatever reason–traumas, upsets, frustrations–they’ve shut down and are walking zombies, the living dead.

Once you’ve shut down your feelings, it will take awareness and desire to reignite them and reconnect to your feelings. So how can you determine if you’re really happy or just going through the motions? And how can you choose more happiness in your life? Here are some ideas that I’ve used successfully with my clients.

1. Define happiness for yourself:

Knowing your own definition of happiness can help you assess your level of happiness. Some people have described happiness as lightness, aliveness, flow, love, passion, gratitude, being present, being responsible, open, accepting, optimistic, free, and connected. Until you establish your own definition, it will be difficult to determine how happy you are.

2. Examine your lifestyle:

Are you doing what you love, living where you want, hanging around people you enjoy? If not, why not? Although happiness starts from within, a lot of people gauge their level of happiness on what satisfactions they receive from the outside world. If you’re not enjoying the work you do five days a week, it’s no wonder you’re not happy! If you hate the city where you live, the house you live in, or your neighbors, you have good cause for unhappiness. And if you’re surrounded by a lot of negative people, that will drain anyone’s ability to be happy. Change the circumstances of your life that you can, so you can start bringing in more reasons to be happy.

3. Check your attitude:

Although the nice things in life bring us happiness, like our home, car, clothing, job, and people, if we have a negative attitude in general, we won’t even find happiness in the things we love. The happiest people are loving, accepting, giving, positive, optimistic, and live in the present rather than the past or future. Happiness is a moment-by-moment choice, which can only be made in the present. And yes, happiness can be a choice. I’ve seen some of my clients turn their attitudes around once they decided they could and they would choose to be happy–regardless of life circumstances. I know that sounds like a big leap, but just know it is possible.

4. Look at your relationships:

Relationships are one of the most common sources for our happiest times. Intimate relationships especially provide us with a deep connection that in most cases allows us to feel loved and appreciated. We can also have satisfying relationships that add to our happiness with our family, friends, associates, pets, and most importantly ourselves. I also notice that people who give to others, especially through charity work, are deeply happy.

5. Set happiness goals:

Are you committed to being happier? Do you want to get to the bottom of why you’re just going through the motions, why you’ve buried your feelings? Then it’s time to take action. Read some books, take some classes, work with a coach, meditate, journal, spend time in contemplation. Create your action plan for building a happier life. It’s your choice!

What Does Happiness Mean to You? 

Explore the possibilities with the Happiness Trilogy from Slow Down Fast. Self-Coaching in electronic format. Includes tons of tips, tricks and exercises designed to help you become the master of your own destiny and orchestrator of your personal well being!

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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~ Deepak Chopra, The Spontaneous Fulfillment Of Desire

Unfortunately one of the most common phrases in our language is “I can’t.” People say, “I can’t be that,” “I can’t do that,” and “I can’t have that” more often than they realize. And more often than they would if they knew how it kept them from being open to the possibility for more in their lives.

The more you look for reasons WHY you “can’t” be, do, or have what you want, the more you limit your chances for WHY NOT? Why not be the way you want to be? Why not do what you want to do? Why not have what you want to have?

Do you really know the answer to those questions? The answer is: because YOU say so! Only you limit what you can be, do, and have. Only you and your limited thinking, your limited attitude, your limits on what you think is possible are holding you back.

When I coach my clients who are stuck in their limits, I offer then some tools on how to change their why’s into why nots. Here are some ideas you might experiment with to become more positive, to shift your viewpoint, and to take control of your life–so it is the life YOU want!

1. Get clear about what you want.

What do you really want to be, do, and have? Clarity is power and the more clear you are about what you want, the more you can be, do, and have what you want. Let’s say you want to start a home-based business doing career coaching for early retiring baby boomers. Now that’s pretty clear. If you are surrounded by naysayers, or you’re a naysayer yourself, you’ll come up with reasons WHY you can’t do it. The kids will be a distraction, you need start up capital, you don’t know where you’ll find clients. To shift into the WHY NOT mode, imagine yourself successfully helping people independently as you did in your previous corporate jobs. See yourself at home working with no distractions, having people call you every day to help them. When you see the clear picture of your goal accomplished, you can more easily step into it.

2. Get support, ask others.

There are plenty of other people who are being, doing, and having what they want. Have you asked them how they got there? Do they complain about WHY they can’t do things? Or do they have a WHY NOT attitude? When they hit obstacles, do they go around them? When they have setbacks, do they re-group and learn from their missteps? When they don’t know how to do something, do they get educated or ask someone who knows? A really quick way to change your why’s into why nots is to have a mentor, coach, guide, teacher, or partner. Others have walked the path you are seeking and most will be thrilled to pass on their secrets. They’ll even support you by catching you in your “I can’ts” and remind you why you can!

3. Make a list.

I don’t know about you, but I love lists. They help me put everything into perspective and get a good look at what’s what. Where am I and where do I want to go? What’s in my way, either in reality or in my mind? I coach my clients to list the pros and cons of whatever they’re stuck with. Why can’t I have my home-based business? Too much distraction, not enough capital, no client connections… Why not have my home-based business? I can use the extra bedroom and close the door, I can take a small business loan, I can network in targeted organizations… When you look at your lists, you’ll start to see the limits are made up in your mind. When you adopt the “why not” go ahead and do this anyway attitude, you’ll see that there are solutions to every imagined problem–after all, they aren’t based in reality, only your imagination.

4. Practice affirmations and visualizations.

In my experience, as well as that of many accomplished personal growth practitioners like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, affirmations and visualizations are two powerful tools to shift anyone’s mindset–at least if they’re ready to shift! An affirmation is a positive statement. If you have been saying, “I can’t start a home-based business,” your affirmation to change that thought or belief would be “I can start a home-based business.” Because the truth is you can, and anyone can. Your visualization would be to see yourself waking up each morning, and walking into your home office, answering emails, setting appointments, etc. See your peaceful, organized work environment, see lots of satisfied clients, and see your bank account growing. Combining affirmations with visualizations for just five minutes a day will help you change your why’s to why nots.

5. Shift your focus.

If you are a “glass half empty” thinker, it’s time for you to shift your focus to the “glass half full.” This takes a conscious choice, but it’s nothing more than changing a habit. And thinking the worst is a habit that can be changed like any other habit into thinking the best. Some authorities say it takes 21 days of focus to change a habit. I believe it takes as long as it takes, often less, sometimes more. Just know that any habit CAN be changed–if you want to change and if you do the practice. Is it worth it? You bet it is! As you approach life with your new “why not” attitude, nothing will ever again be beyond your reach. And you will live your life being, doing, and having all that you desire.

Turn Thoughts into Action with Personal Coaching

From spot coaching to unlimited lifestyle design, there’s something here to fit your needs. Explore our coaching plans today, then get in touch to schedule your first talk with David Bohl.

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“I finally learned that you cannot help people unless they really need help, are willing to be helped, want you to help them and ask you to help them. Even then, you can only help them to help themselves.” ~ Vincent Collins

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No one seems to realize the power of honesty. You are only as good as your word. No one will believe or trust you if you play verbal games. Honesty is morally right and efficient. And ultimately, always the best policy.

So when they are caught with their pants down and are backed into a corner, the slippery politicians come up with phony apologies. But, bad apologies are worse than no apology at all. In our personal and professional lives, we wouldn’t stand for this. We wouldn’t let people off the hook with bad apologies. Once your friend, partner, or business associate is caught in a lie or bad apology after the fact, your trust factor is severely reduced!

Saying the words when apologizing is often not enough. For an apology to be acceptable, you have to mean it and show it; and it should contain the 3 Rs:

Responsibility – the person must take responsibility for making the mistake and for having done harm. Admitting you are wrong is the first step in making an acceptable apology. If you live in a world of blame and complain, you are not living in the world of responsibility. Ultimately the truth will come out, so why not save the guilt and loss of trust by admitting your wrong-doing and moving on?

There’s more to an apology than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You need to swallow your pride and say, “I know I messed up.” That’s difficult for most people to admit, because we seem to strive for perfection–that ever unreachable spot on the ever distant horizon. If you truly want to make amends, acknowledge the action you took that may have hurt, humiliated, or disrespected the other person.

Of course, the level of responsibility you take in order to make your apology may vary based on the circumstances. There may be contributing factors from both parties that need to be sorted out before you both can move forward. An example might be that John is always late for meetings, and after the third time finally offers an apology to his boss, Tom. However, if Tom sent an e-mail with the meeting time and it didn’t get to John, there are contributing factors on both sides.

Remorse – they have to sincerely feel badly that their actions caused you pain. How do you demonstrate your regret or remorse for the action that you are apologizing for? First, when you take responsibility and admit your error, the person you harmed will see that you are being sincere. The injured party wants to see that the person apologizing is really sorry for the transgression they committed.

The way you deliver your apology–in person rather than by phone, letter, or e-mail–can also make a difference in the apology being accepted. If you’re apologizing, be straightforward and humble about it. Provide an explanation rather than an excuse, and don’t trivialize the situation by laughing or joking while asking for forgiveness.

You want to show the offended party that you are remorseful about what you have done. Suppose the situation entailed your forgetting to take in your neighbor’s mail while they were on vacation. You may have had good reason, like working long hours at work, or you might have merely forgotten. You would show your remorse by saying how sorry you were, admitting you messed up, and professing that you will do much better next time–if there is one.

Restitution – offer a remedy and take specific action, to right the wrong that’s been perpetrated. Aside from asking for forgiveness, you also need to face the consequences of your actions. If what you did was truly hurtful, make amends and clean up your act. You must demonstrate that you don’t intend to repeat the offense.

The best course would be to follow up the apology with positive action. For example, if you accidentally erased an important file at work, promise to retype the whole document and update your back up system — and then stick to your word. Whatever you do, don’t postpone apologizing. It is most effective when done within a relatively short time of the offending action. Otherwise, you’re living a lie and you’ll create stress on your relationship. Rather than making excuses or being evasive, swallow your pride and offer your apology. Then together, figure out what you can do to make things right between you.

Without these 3 Rs, the politician, friend, business partner, or even you, are not being honest and not being forthright with an apology. If you want to accept an apology and you want your apologies accepted, follow this simple formula.

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Don’t know what to do?

You can tell the intentions of those close to you. If your boss is tirelessly waving that promotion under your nose but never seems to deliver no matter how hard you work, do not feel guilty about leaving work early to spend time with your family. Don’t schedule lunch with your girlfriend anymore if she can’t seem to find the time to show up. Do not put yourself into the situation of being disappointed when it is in some people’s character to disappoint you and countless others. Your local representative promised lower taxes and less government involvement but the record shows the exact opposite…vote that politician out of office! Not as difficult as it might seem given that the record is there for public scrutiny.

Wonder if all absolute fact has been lost in today’s world?

I’m amazed by how difficult it is to figure out what the candidates in today’s presidential election stand for… especially with the press pushing their “unbiased” agenda. The only real solution is to not only expose yourself to all coverage (national media, cable television, talk radio, newspapers, and political journals) but to also do your own research. By cruising the candidates’ websites, you can see the consistencies and inconsistencies in their rhetoric.

It’s also interesting to see the difference in news coverage. If you watch NBC, you’ll see constant attacks on John McCain and Sarah Palin and glossing over the facts with Barack Obama and Joe Biden. When listening to Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, you will see accusations thrown at the Obama-Biden ticket and more positive spin towards the republicans.

It is a difficult task, but siphoning through the nonsense for the consistent message can be done. The basics in their intentions can be seen in their parties’ politics. If you’re looking for a candidate who supports public welfare programs through higher spending and tougher government regulations, you know where to find him. If you are looking for a candidate who promotes less government involvement and the “take care of yourself first” mentality, you know where to find him, too. The trick is weeding through the issues (economy, foreign policy, healthcare, etc.) and pushing away the none-issues.

Ignore what people say and watch what they do.

Although history isn’t always an accurate guide in determining what will happen in the future, it’s a very precise indicator of what people will do. Yes, people do change, but you won’t take notice of it until you see the change in their actions. The friend that is constantly disappointing you might take notice when you stop inviting her to do things with you and mend her ways. Your boss will notice if you call him out on your constant delivery and his constant lack thereof. Check out the bills that your congressperson did and did not vote for…you might find pork barrel spending was the reason for their Yeah or Nay vote. If not, you can still hold them accountable by voicing your opinions to their office and staff.

Look for the best in everybody – IN THEIR ACTIONS TOWARDS YOU. You might not initially like what you find, but sometimes, if you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. Be patient.

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