We are told to strive for unattainable lifestyles and to model ourselves after unrealistic, airbrushed models.

Sometimes you need to step back from this virtual reality and ponder what life is really about. Will that Mercedes or those anti-anxiety medications really make you happier, or are they only temporary solutions to deeper issues? Examine these five myths about how you should be living your life and start living the way you want to live.

Myth 1: Material Things Prove Your Worth

Someone once said, “One reason it’s so hard to save money is that our neighbors are always buying something we can’t afford.” Keeping up with the Joneses is certainly no way to live, and the desire to do so stems from a belief that material things prove your worth. Extravagant clothing, houses, and cars oftentimes serve as status symbols in today’s society, but when it comes down to it, what you have in your heart and mind is worth much more than what you’ve got in your wallet. Furthermore, comparing yourself financially to your friends and family will only cause envy and strife. Remember that while luxuries may be enjoyable, they don’t make you who you are.

Myth 2: You Should Always Take an Expert’s Opinion at Face Value

How many times have you taken your car in for a simple oil change, only to be told you need hundreds of dollars worth of repairs in other areas? Have you taken the mechanic’s word for it and shelled out the cash or gone in for a second opinion elsewhere? We tend to rely on experts for advice, whether they are doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, or repairmen, but you can’t forget that even though they are experts, they still don’t know everything. You always retain the power to do your own research or seek out another form of advice. You may find that separate individuals offer different yet complementary opinions that allow you to shape a more informed decision on the issue you are having.

Myth 3: When in Doubt, Medicate

It’s hard to make it through a 2-minute commercial break without seeing an advertisement for some sort of prescription drug. The prescription drug industry has exploded in the past decade, and Zoloft, Prozac, and Ritalin are now part of most Americans’ vocabulary. While there is something to be said for the positive benefits medications have to offer, they are certainly not quick fix on the road to happiness. Before asking your doctor about the latest mood-altering drug you saw on television or in a magazine, consider seeking therapy and using self-improvement strategies to alter your moods instead. Even if prescription drugs are a feasible option for your treatment plan, it’s important to remember that they are not a cure-all. Healing takes time and a repertoire of varying strategies in order to truly come about.

Myth 4: It’s Hip to Be Forever Young

The world today is filled with Peter Pans – adults who don’t want to grow up. Whether they are lacking in emotional maturity or in wrinkles, growing old has become a faux pas for a lot of people. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s great to feel young at heart and to be physically fit, but it’s possible to do so and still age gracefully. Aging with class involves learning from your past. What’s the point of a life long-lived if you want to act like a child and look like one, too? Gray hair, laugh lines, and a cultivated point of view are things to be embraced, not shunned.

Myth 5: You Can Do It All

Society tends to tell us that multitasking and the ability to juggle lots of things at once is a good thing, but when you have too many things in the air, something is bound to get dropped. Ambition is a good thing, but you have to know when enough is enough. Yes, it’s possible to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, and the best baker at the church bazaar, but it’s also okay to say no when your best friend asks you to help her plan a charity gala. When you take on more than you can handle, the quality of your projects often suffers. Don’t feel pressured to be a yes-man. Even the best of us can’t do it all.

There are so many self-improvement blogs, magazines, and websites out there these days, everyone has an opinion on the way you should be living your life. It’s important not to focus on the myths flooding the media but to analyze your situations carefully and live the way that is right for you.

NEWSFLASH: I’ve added another chapter to my life by joining C.A.S.T. Recovery, a Los Angeles based national outpatient drug rehab program which specializes in designing highly individualized recovery plans with appropriate professionals to support a client’s health, accountability, and success.

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You’re never too old to learn! Once we graduate from high school, college, or even beyond, many of us never take another class. We may have decided that school is meant for the youth of our culture, and we assume that for the rest of our lives, we’ll only be getting our lessons from the school of hard knocks. While it’s true we learn an awful lot from life experience–that is if we are open to the lessons–there’s every reason to continue learning in school, through books, and now even on the Internet.

The opportunities for learning today are unlimited. However you like to learn, there’s a way to do it. Whatever you want to learn, there’s a place to learn it.

How do you like to learn? Some of the ways include: going to school and taking classes; taking weekend seminars; reading books; listening to audio tapes; working with a coach or mentor; or taking an online class. Can you think of some other ways you like to learn?

What do you want to learn? For business you may want to keep up your learning in your industry; maintain your skill set in your area of expertise; or continue to study business skills if you run a business. For personal interests you might want to hone existing skills like golf or guitar; or you might want to take up a new hobby like ballroom dancing or a foreign language. What would you like to learn now as an adult?

Why should you keep your head in the learning game? Some people are information junkies and others are content with limited data. You might fall somewhere in between. The reason I’m in favor of ongoing learning is that we live in a time where information is more accessible than ever before and technological advances are causing rapid changes in the knowledge base. If you want to keep up with what’s going on in the world, in your personal life, and in your business or work environment, you’ve got to keep your head in the learning game.

If you’re still not sure what you could be learning about at this age and stage of your life, here are 5 areas I would suggest for your ongoing education:

1. Health – Staying healthy today can be somewhat complicated. What foods are best? What exercises can keep you fit? What healing methods are most effective? This kind of information changes on a daily basis. One day red wine is the panacea for all ills, the next day it’s a detriment to your health. One day running is the rage, the next it’s bad for your knees. The only way to keep abreast of the latest on health is to stay informed. Read books, journals, and periodicals; attend seminars, talks, and conferences. Pursue the areas that interest you most whether it’s traditional or alternative medicine.

2. Finances — Lately we have been going through challenging economic times. The better informed you are, the better chance you have of preserving your assets and knowing what to do with your finances now and in the future. Anyone can learn about saving, spending, and investing. There are more books and seminars available on these subjects than you can imagine. Whether you want to learn about starting and running a business, getting a loan or grant, budgeting and tracking your income and expenses, or investing in real estate, stocks, or bonds, someone is teaching this somewhere.

3. Career – If you own your own business or work as an employee, many opportunities present themselves to you for continuing education in your field of expertise. Often employers bring in training companies to keep their employees well trained in their skills and in their industry. Business owners have access to seminars, conferences, and teleclasses to keep up on their area of expertise as well as current business and marketing practices.

4. Relationships — If you’re in an intimate relationship, you and your spouse may enjoy taking classes together that either enhance your relationship or where you can learn something new like a sport or hobby. If you’re looking to build an intimate relationship, plenty of classes are available for singles looking for love in all the right places!

5. Leisure — As I’ve already mentioned, you may want to brush up on an existing skill or take up a new one. As boomers enter retirement, they need to stay active both physically and mentally. Continuing your education is one of the best ways to do this. A client of mine who was bored in retirement took a pottery class at the local adult school and showered his family and friends with his creations–whether or not they wanted them. He’d never done anything artistic in his life but became fairly accomplished at making mugs, vases, and sculptures.

What have you always wanted to learn but never had the time? What’s stopping you now? Keep your head in the learning game, and you’ll never be bored–or boring!

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There is a great debate in the world of marketing: is the quality of a lead when networking more important than the quantity of leads you get? Then there is the field of thought–why can’t you get both? It’s the American way to get it all so here’s what you have to do to combine the quality of the leads you get from networking and increase the quantity of these leads right along with it.

 Step 1. Focus on quantity.

Especially if networking is new for you, you may not have a clue as to where you should start, so quality isn’t even a factor yet. You have to get some leads first!

So the first thing you have to do is figure out where you can get these leads. Whether it’s at a chamber meeting or a local coffee club, you’ve got to do your homework before you ever step foot in the room with these people. Try to find out who may be at the meeting. For example, if you’re a financial advisor and you’re attending a chamber meeting, look up the member list and see if any estate attorneys are members of the chamber. These attorneys are great sources of referrals for you so you know that you want to try and talk to them at the meeting.

On the other hand, you may have no clue who your potential referral sources are. This will come with time and experience, but you should still get acquainted with who the members of the group are and what type of businesses they are involved in before you go to the meeting. Then talk with some of the attendees and listen to what they say. Something they say during conversation may trigger a thought in your head on how you can do business with this person or how you can refer business to each other. Once you have a large pool of prospects to work with you can move on to start refining your efforts…giving you a chance to focus more on the quality of the leads.

Step 2. Refine (focus on quality).

Once you have a nice stock of leads, then you can start to focus on refining your relationships with these contacts. This means shifting your focus from the quantity to quality. Take a good hard look at the business you have closed to see if there are any common characteristics that you may be able to duplicate. For example, if you’re a wedding florist and have received five referrals this year from a wedding planner in your area, then you need to further secure your relationship with the wedding planner and add more wedding planners to your contact list!

Or take a look at the list of contacts you have and see which ones may lead to business. Form a relationship with the contact and test whether or not it leads to business over time. If it does, then go after similar leads for more business. If it doesn’t work then test out another lead. You’ll start to see what is a quality lead or contact for you.

Master networking.

After you’ve gathered a large quantity of contacts and then worked on uncovering the quality of the leads, it’s time to start focusing on quantity again. This time, however, you know what a quality contact is for you so you focus on where you can meet a large group (quantity) of your quality contacts in one place. Let’s say you’re a writer–writing copy for various types of marketing collateral for the real estate industry. You’ve attended all of your local chamber of commerce meetings (because real estate agents love the chamber, right?), but after doing this for six months you’ve realized that it isn’t real estate agents that you’re getting business from, it’s property management companies. So now you attend the National Property Management Association (NPMA) meetings in your area instead of the chamber meetings.

Now instead of searching for a large enough quantity of leads and closing enough quality leads to make your business grow, you can stop the hunt. Now quality leads will find you.

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The business world can be a tricky place when dealing with doing what’s right–keeping your personal values and morals in check. While you have to separate your business life from your personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to turn into someone you’re not in order to be successful.

It’s also important not to offend others in the process of doing what you think is right. You have to keep you personal views and what others think balanced. Keep these five suggestions in mind and you’ll be well on your way to doing what is right for you and not ticking people off as you go.

1. Know yourself.

We’re all different, which makes the world a much more interesting place. You may have a big mouth without a filter–saying exactly how you feel about things without thinking about how it sounds or how others will take it. Maybe you make faces that come off as bad to an observer but you really don’t mean anything by it. You have to know yourself–what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are. When you have this knowledge, you can do something about it so that you can still speak your mind and be yourself, but in more of an appropriate manner.

2. Express yourself.

It’s kind of like the Madonna song, you have to learn how to express yourself. If you’re supposed to be a marketing consultant and you’re attending a client meeting, but you just sit there like a timid mouse and don’t say a word, what do you think your chances are for landing this company as a new client? Zippo! If one of their ways of promoting their service to potential clients is killing their sales, find a tactful way to let them know this. It’s not by blurting out, “You’re doing it all wrong. No wonder your sales are down!” Maybe it’s something more refined like, “My other clients that have used the same type of promotion saw a rapid decline in their sales also. When we started working together and put together a comprehensive marketing plan that incorporated a combination of print, online, radio, and TV ads, their business increased by 30%.” It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. But you have to say it–don’t just sit there and say nothing.

3. Set boundaries.

Boundaries getting crossed are what usually makes you feel uncomfortable–like you’re not being true to yourself. So make sure that you set boundaries and don’t let them get crossed. For example, may be your company throws happy hour networking events all of the time. Your colleagues come to the event and treat it more like a college kegger than a business meeting–getting drunk and slurring their words as they talk to prospective clients. It’s not that you have something against drinking, but it’s the excess you have an issue with. Nobody says you have to drink to the point of getting drunk. Nobody says you have to drink at all. You can only be responsible for your own actions. If you really feel like these cocktail parties are affecting the business, then suggest an alternative way to mingle with prospects that’ll shed a better light on your company.

4. Be accountable.

It’s worth repeating, you are the only one that can control your actions. Be accountable for what you do. If you make a mistake, owe up to it. If you do something that is successful, share it with your boss and colleagues. Don’t be boastful and say it with an “I’m better than you” attitude, but be matter of fact and truthful.

5. Be fair and respectful.

Everyone is different. The way that you see something or the way you believe may be completely different from what others think. You have to be fair and respectful of these differences. Agree to disagree if necessary. Just like you want someone to respect your wishes, you have to respect others wishes as well. It goes back to that “don’t talk about politics and religion” rule because if your opinions differ then it could be war.

You can do what you feel is right without offending other people. First, you’ve got to take a good look at who you are. Then you’ve got to respect the differences between you and others. Finally, you have to find a way to tactfully and respectfully do what you think is right in a way that doesn’t hurt the people around you.

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“This isn’t my dream job, but it pays the bills and it’s close to my house.”

“I’ve been here for ten years and the company is good to me. While things aren’t always great, I should stick it out when times are tough.”

If these statements sound like something you’ve said or what the voice in your head is saying, now is the time to take a serious look at whether or not you’re suffering from job complacency. Especially in rough economic times, like the ones we’re experiencing now, you’ve got to be hyper-alert to what is going on with your job, your company, and the job market in general. Complacency doesn’t mean it’s time to switch jobs. It may or may not be that you need a new job. It may be as simple as correcting what you need to while sticking it out with the same company.

3 ways complacency in the workplace can negatively affect you:

Loss of ambition.

If you get too comfortable in your job, it can mean a loss of your ambitions. Maybe you landed your job a couple years ago, and man was it your dream job. Your dream job because you knew that you could get promoted in a few years to your ultra dream job. Now, however, the few years “later” has arrived and you’re kicking your feet. You’ve got it easy in the position you’re in. Do you really want to rock the boat and ask for that promotion now?

Sirens should be going off in your head! This is a sign of complacency.

Lack of experience.

If you’ve been at the same boring company forever, doing the same boring job all this time, you start to lose your marketability. And in an economy where layoffs are a reality, how great is your resume going to look if you’ve only had one job duty your whole life. Even if you stay in the same role, make sure that you take on projects that broaden your experience so that when you choose to look for another job or you are forced to look for a new one, you have the skills and experience that are attractive to companies–attractive enough to land you a new job (a better job).

Kills your quality of life.

Even though you try to keep your work life separate from your personal life, the reality is that these lives trickle into each other. If you’re just going through the motions everyday at work, then you’re probably feeling unmotivated and unhappy. This affects your personal life too. If you’re not happy at work and you’re not happy at home, you’re in trouble.

3 ways to deal with complacency in the workplace:

Dust off your resume.

A good business person always has their resume updated and is open to good opportunities that may come their way. Sometimes a job opportunity presents itself, even when you’re not looking for one. Be prepared. Dust off your resume, update it, freshen it up, and do some spring cleaning (no matter what time of year it is).

Get training.

Whether it’s taking a training class in your company or taking a class at a local community college, take training courses that’ll expand your horizons and open doors to new opportunities. If you’re a graphic designer and don’t know the latest in Web 2.0, then now is the time to sharpen your knowledge. It can advance you in your current company or it’ll help you to obtain new opportunities outside your company.

Move up or move on.

It’s time to decide whether there is a place for you to advance your career in your current company or if it is time to move on to another job at another company. Explore open positions in your own company to see if there is anything you’d be interested in. Also, check out what jobs are open at other companies. It’s like window shopping, it doesn’t hurt to look, it doesn’t mean you have to buy, and you never know what you’ll find.

As I love to remind my coaching clients… complacency is not a good trait for any part of your life… relationships, personal life, or at work. Avoid complacency by keeping yourself and your skills up-to-date and marketable. Keep yourself in the game even if you’re not actively looking to make a change. You never know when the perfect opportunity for you may appear and you want to be ready to grab on with both hands when the time comes.

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Here are the 12 Most-Read Numbered Posts in 2008 at Slow Down FAST:

12.    5 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
11.    5 Qualities of Successful Relationships
10.    6 Ways for Effecting Change in Your Life
9.      6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Busting Out of the Rat Race
8.      5 Signs It’s Time to Slow Down Fast
7.      6 Ways to Be a Friend Without Involving Money, Gifts or Obligation
6.      5 Ways to Reconnect to Your Inner Child
5.      10 Great Productivity Web Sites
4.      5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
3.      5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
2.      8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
1.      The Causes and Cures of Procrastination

Thank you all for your support throughout the year, and best wishes in all your future endeavors.

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So, after 700+ posts in 2008, I’m publishing the 12 Most Read Posts at Slow Down FAST so we can all get a jump on the new year.

Thank you all for your support throughout the year.

Here they are:

1. The Causes and Cures of Procrastination
2. Mindhacks: 5 Ways to Increase Creativity, Productivity and Intelligence
3. How to Overcome the #1 Fear: Public Speaking
4. 8 Essential Ingredients to Master Your Time
5. Do Not Wage Psychological Warfare
6. Stuck in a Rut? Fire Up Your Creativity with These 7 Steps
7. What Are You Passionate About?
8. See How Easily You Can Handle Change
9. How to Maintain Professional Boundaries
10. 5 Simple Tricks To Make You Smarter
11. 5 Signs You’re a Pleaser and What to Do About It
12. From Greedy to Grateful – Appreciating What You Have

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“As a business owner, I’ve learned about several effective tools needed to run an efficient business. I utilize systems, strategies, and support, to keep my business running smoothly and profitably. And I’ve seen how if I apply some of these same tools to my personal life, I can streamline it as well.

So whether you have your own business, work for a company, or run a household, if you manage your life like a business, I can guarantee you’ll be surprised at the results. Here are some tips taken from my experience that can be valuable for streamlining your life:”

Read the rest of Get Prepared to Streamline Your Life.

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“I finally learned that you cannot help people unless they really need help, are willing to be helped, want you to help them and ask you to help them. Even then, you can only help them to help themselves.” ~ Vincent Collins

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