Slow Down Fast Personal Coaching and Lifestyle Design

Do you often find yourself making a commitment to do something, then not doing it and making excuses instead? We tend to do this more often with ourselves than others. We are less likely to break commitments with our clients, co-workers, friends, or family. If we say we will do something, we are pretty sure we will stick to that agreement.

Then what happens when we make commitments to ourselves and then break them? Why do we hold ourselves as less important than others? Think about this. Do you make commitments to yourself like exercising every day, or practicing meditation, or doing some action item on your list that will take you closer to a goal? And then time runs out, and you don’t do what you said you would do, and make excuses, rationalizations, and bargains. You might say, “Well I didn’t walk a half hour today, so I’ll walk one hour tomorrow.”

Take a look at what commitments you make with yourself that you seem to break a lot. How important are these agreements? Will they make a difference in your life? Will they help you reach your goals? Sometimes all we have to do is one thing every day to move toward our goals. But we even sabotage that small effort.

Catch yourself when you’re breaking a commitment. (more…)

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It is nice to assume everyone had a happy childhood filled with joy and laughter. Nurturing parents doted over every little accomplishment, offering words of praise and encouragement.

In a perfect world this is exactly how things would be. Unfortunately our world is far from perfect as are the people in it. Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses, our proud moments and the ones we are ashamed of.

When you really consider how childhood unfolds, even under the best of circumstances, it is amazing we emerge from it as productive adults at all. Too much doting and we are incapable of coping with adversity. Too much abuse and we learn to be guarded and distrustful. How do parents find the happy medium that teaches us resolve and determination balanced with love and compassion? And how do we manage to function in a world where just growing up can be far more challenging that it would initially seem?

1. Revisit Your Inner Child (more…)

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The ancient Greeks believed the human psyche was responsible for behavior. It embodied the concepts of soul, self, and mind. Another way to view the psyche is as the forces that influence a person’s personality, thoughts, and behaviors.

Sigmund Freud believed there were three components to the psyche, called id, super-ego, and ego. Id is described as instinctual drives that are part of the unconscious mind. The super-ego is the conscious internalization of forces viewed as morality and societal norms. The ego is described as a conscious integration of the super-ego and id. Freud believed that neurosis occurred when there was a conflict between them.

The psyche could be viewed as those beliefs that cause a person to behave in certain ways. It incorporates thoughts, feelings, prejudices, and fears.

As many people seek self-improvement and personal growth, they run into difficulties because they may not fully understand what is important to them. (more…)

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“The secret to life is to know when enough is enough.”

- Dr. Vincent Ryan

I know you know when enough is enough. Or do you? Do you ever find yourself complaining that you need more or want more of something? Time, money, love, space, material possessions, happiness–what’s your “never enough”?

We continually pursue more, thinking more is better, more will make us happier. We work harder thinking if we’re more productive we’ll make more money. Instead, if we slowed down and took more time to refresh ourselves, we’d probably be more productive with a lot less effort and time. We buy more stuff, only to find the thrill is gone when we get home, and now we have more stuff to maintain and store. (more…)

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“Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.”
- Dr. Michael Beckwith

Due to our exposure to the media, our upbringing in our school system, and our family of origin, most of us go out into the world looking for what’s not working. We look for it in our education, relationships, at work, and most critically in ourselves. Our newspapers are filled with more bad news than good. In school we get red circles for wrong answers rather than gold stars for the right ones. With a spouse, we might enter therapy because we’ve lost sight of what was working by focusing on the small differences. At work, we are more often reprimanded for our faults, then praised for our successes.

If you’re a fact checker, copyeditor, or maintenance supervisor, you’re supposed to be looking for what you can fix. But for the rest of us, it’s a sad way to approach life. Looking for what’s wrong and for what’s not working does not open our eyes and our minds to the possibilities all around us for what is working and what’s right with our world.

Can you imagine going out into your day and looking for what’s good, looking for positive evidence? Looking for the checkmarks next to all the right answers on your tests, and learning from your missed answers. Appreciating all the great qualities in your loved ones, and working together to strengthen the weak areas. Getting a bonus at your job for showing up and being a responsible, respectful employee. and offering appreciation and respect to your superiors and associates. (more…)

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Whether you realize it or not, and whether you intend to or not, every action you take builds your reputation in the world. It is your form of personal branding, creating the words, characteristics, and traits the world will come to associate with you.

Every time you communicate with someone, interact with them, or display any behaviors in public, you are creating your own label. You are developing your own personal label. The awareness that you are constantly creating your personal image is an excellent tool for self improvement. (more…)

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The speed of life these days is growing faster and faster. But while we continually develop better tools to help us manage our time and whiz through our tasks more efficiently, the end result isn’t more time – it’s more work. How does that happen? Because, as futurist David Zach says, these tools don’t give us more time, they simply give us more choices. “The problem is, we don’t know how to choose.”
(http://www.davidzach.com/docs/david_zach_playing_with_the_future.pdf)
So, instead of enjoying the time freed up by using a word processor and copier to make a classroom’s worth of handouts (instead of typing them up three at a time using a typewriter and carbon paper), we simply use that time to do more work. And since each step of our working day has several “time-saving tools” assigned to it, the end result is that we wind up shoehorning tasks into every last second of the day.

Whereas before we might take a breather on the porch during a summer day while the bread baked in the stifling kitchen, today we simply turn on the bread machine and go on to the next chore in our air-conditioned houses. Instead of sitting and talking while dinner cooks in the oven, we zap a meal in the microwave and are back to our desks in just a few minutes.

In order to get free of this tyranny of the tools, it’s important to step back and take a look at what you’re doing, why you’re doing it and how important it is to you.
(more…)

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A sad but true fact is that when your life’s work life balance falls out of line, one of the first things to go is a healthy sex life. This is especially true for women, who tend to fulfill their desires with work rather than play. Any longing for the sensual is replaced by the need for success, and every bit of the body’s energies is directed towards work.

Unfortunately this can be the beginning of a downward spiral leading to bigger and more serious problems down the road. Ignoring the importance of intimacy can develop into marital problems, stress, and depression. The human soul needs closeness, whether the conscious mind is willing to admit it or not. Giving due attention to your own erotic needs goes a long ways towards maintaining a positive attitude, increased self confidence, and a healthy work life balance.

Even during those times when you think you are too tired to care about such things, recognize their importance and make time to nurture your intimate relationships. In the long run you will maintain a closer relationship with your spouse or life partner, your overall outlook on life will be greatly enhanced, and you will receive greater happiness and fulfillment from life.

1. Make Play Dates (more…)

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Intentions differ from desires, and consciously focusing on your intentions can go a long ways toward achieving success. Simply put, intentions are goals. Another way to look at intentions is as thoughts that help us fill a need. The need can be such things as money, property, love, or relationships. The main purpose of our goals or intentions, though, is to eventually be happy or fulfilled.

In contrast, desire is the act of attaching feelings to a goal. We may desire something without ever achieving it. An important step towards fulfilling your goals is to realize that desire is passive, while intentions imply action. Once you can separate your intentions from your desires, there are a few things you need to do to make those intentions work for you: (more…)

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