Comments on: How Not to Talk Down to People http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/ Brief Motivational Interventions Mirroring the Time-Limited Reality of Human Existence Sat, 18 Sep 2010 19:11:54 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Dionne http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-9253 Dionne Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:43:23 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-9253 I got lucky in catching this article. I have a friend that says alot of things that make me go, huhhh? Sometimes by the end of a conversation, I am speachless about some of the things she has said to me, and by the time it hits me I am already off of the phone with her, later when my mind plays back the thoughts from the day I chew on it a little more. When I go from being happy in my own world and then suddenly a huge burst of a demand from the real world comes along it can be a little shocking. Recently, this friend was a few weeks short of closing in on her due date for having her first baby, she asked if she could hang out at my house for 2 days while I was at work while she had a new window instaled- the baby would have arrived by then- she needed peace and quiet. Having so much on my mind at the time, I told her that I was sure that would be okay and to let me know. A few weeks later I spoke to her on the phone while I was on vacation from work- I spent my vacation at home this year. At this point I had forgotten all about her inquiries about being at the house for those two days- I have been dealing with alot of intense 'seasons' in my life recently, so my memory has slipped a bit. In the conversation, she said 'I will be over tuesday and wednesday'. I am curious as to why? 'I am getting my windows replaced. Remember you said I could come over?' It just so happened that Tuesday and wednesday were the last days of my vacation, and I had many plans to possibly paint, decorate, clean...thump around the house to do the things I do not normally have time to do. My doing this did not sound like a healthy enviorment for a newborn. I then let her know my plans, that this was my vacation- the only time I had to get things done- and if you come over- glad to have you, but I have a to do list. At this point she tells me 'Why is it that you chose these days specificly to take off- your house is suppoused to be empty?" Her question alone made me feel slightly inadequate- especially when she used the word 'specificly', as though my timing was very inconvienient to her, as though she was a manager and I her employee. We seem to have a lot of conversations like this- mostly on her end. Most of the time I leave a conversation wondering what exactly she meant by whatever. Long story short- thank you for your article and your website. Sometimes I get a little lost in translation, and it is nice to be able to find information about situations that leave me feeling a little akward. I have read a couple different articles and like what I have seen- I really enjoyed the one about the seasons of our life. I got lucky in catching this article. I have a friend that says alot of things that make me go, huhhh? Sometimes by the end of a conversation, I am speachless about some of the things she has said to me, and by the time it hits me I am already off of the phone with her, later when my mind plays back the thoughts from the day I chew on it a little more. When I go from being happy in my own world and then suddenly a huge burst of a demand from the real world comes along it can be a little shocking.
Recently, this friend was a few weeks short of closing in on her due date for having her first baby, she asked if she could hang out at my house for 2 days while I was at work while she had a new window instaled- the baby would have arrived by then- she needed peace and quiet. Having so much on my mind at the time, I told her that I was sure that would be okay and to let me know. A few weeks later I spoke to her on the phone while I was on vacation from work- I spent my vacation at home this year. At this point I had forgotten all about her inquiries about being at the house for those two days- I have been dealing with alot of intense ’seasons’ in my life recently, so my memory has slipped a bit. In the conversation, she said ‘I will be over tuesday and wednesday’. I am curious as to why? ‘I am getting my windows replaced. Remember you said I could come over?’ It just so happened that Tuesday and wednesday were the last days of my vacation, and I had many plans to possibly paint, decorate, clean…thump around the house to do the things I do not normally have time to do. My doing this did not sound like a healthy enviorment for a newborn. I then let her know my plans, that this was my vacation- the only time I had to get things done- and if you come over- glad to have you, but I have a to do list. At this point she tells me ‘Why is it that you chose these days specificly to take off- your house is suppoused to be empty?”
Her question alone made me feel slightly inadequate- especially when she used the word ’specificly’, as though my timing was very inconvienient to her, as though she was a manager and I her employee.

We seem to have a lot of conversations like this- mostly on her end. Most of the time I leave a conversation wondering what exactly she meant by whatever.

Long story short- thank you for your article and your website. Sometimes I get a little lost in translation, and it is nice to be able to find information about situations that leave me feeling a little akward. I have read a couple different articles and like what I have seen- I really enjoyed the one about the seasons of our life.

]]> By: Brian http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-9245 Brian Sun, 28 Jun 2009 09:56:04 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-9245 Maybe it is me but the only reasons for people seeming to talk down to people are ones that actively portray the offending person as being full of themselves. What of the people who don't think or do any of the things listed but instead when they say something think that everyone is intelligent enough to understand what they mean? I get told semi regularly that I come off as if I think I know everything and that what I say is 100% right, when I try to better explain what I mean I usually am not given a chance to finish. So more or less my giving people the benefit of the doubt is a lot of the problem. Maybe it is me but the only reasons for people seeming to talk down to people are ones that actively portray the offending person as being full of themselves. What of the people who don’t think or do any of the things listed but instead when they say something think that everyone is intelligent enough to understand what they mean? I get told semi regularly that I come off as if I think I know everything and that what I say is 100% right, when I try to better explain what I mean I usually am not given a chance to finish. So more or less my giving people the benefit of the doubt is a lot of the problem.

]]> By: steve smith http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-9201 steve smith Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:23:00 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-9201 Good article. I have left jobs & relationships because of this issue. Some of us sensitive types really can't deal with being talked down to. We end up feeling like we're less valuable than others. I always thought that if you speak to others in a manner that says " You & your opinions, thoughts, ideas, etc matter, then you would get that in return. Not always so. Good article. I have left jobs & relationships because of this issue. Some of us sensitive types really can’t deal with being talked down to. We end up feeling like we’re less valuable than others. I always thought that if you speak
to others in a manner that says ” You & your opinions, thoughts, ideas, etc
matter, then you would get that in return. Not always so.

]]> By: PJ Wall http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-9191 PJ Wall Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:33:22 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-9191 David, Thank you for the response. I believe I am a good listener and have been told this many times. I really never thought about my body language and that it may be giving the wrong impression. Certainly something worth being aware of. PJ David,

Thank you for the response. I believe I am a good listener and have been told this many times. I really never thought about my body language and that it may be giving the wrong impression. Certainly something worth being aware of.

PJ

]]> By: David@SlowDownFAST.com http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-8983 David@SlowDownFAST.com Sat, 24 Jan 2009 16:17:01 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-8983 PJ, Without experiencing you in action and your style of communication, I cannot say for sure if you're tending to talk down to people. I will say that communicating with anyone, anywhere, is about reflective listening. The key is to assure whomever you're speaking to that you understand and empathize with their situation. The language you choose, your body posture, and your facial expressions will all give clues as to whether you're with someone or against someone. The latter is what causes risistance and discord in relationships. David PJ,

Without experiencing you in action and your style of communication, I cannot say for sure if you’re tending to talk down to people.

I will say that communicating with anyone, anywhere, is about reflective listening. The key is to assure whomever you’re speaking to that you understand and empathize with their situation.

The language you choose, your body posture, and your facial expressions will all give clues as to whether you’re with someone or against someone. The latter is what causes risistance and discord in relationships.

David

]]> By: PJ Wall http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-8982 PJ Wall Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:05:06 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-8982 I have been a manager for about 20 years. I have been told that I talk down to people. I am not sure what or how I do this. I am a visual person and have a hard time staying focused on what people/staff are telling so I often ask to see what they are inquiring about. Some staff members have expressed that when I do this they feel that I don't trust them. It's not a matter of not trusting them, its an interest of wanting to give them the assistance they are wanting and understanding the issues. I do get irritated at times when some staff members don't take an interest in their job or pride in their work and are just sloppy. However, those same sloppy workers are the ones who claim I talk down to them. Those that are not sloppy workers, have expressed their appreciation to me as their supervisor and don't feel that I talk down to them. The reason this concerns me as I have managed at different companys and find the same response from people in that I talk down to people and believe there must be some truth in it. I am just not sure what or how to change. My son told me that I have more masculine features that people have a hard time accepting this from a women. So some things that I say are acceptable from a man but not from a woman. So could this be the problem vs talking down to people? Not sure. I have been a manager for about 20 years. I have been told that I talk down to people. I am not sure what or how I do this. I am a visual person and have a hard time staying focused on what people/staff are telling so I often ask to see what they are inquiring about. Some staff members have expressed that when I do this they feel that I don’t trust them. It’s not a matter of not trusting them, its an interest of wanting to give them the assistance they are wanting and understanding the issues. I do get irritated at times when some staff members don’t take an interest in their job or pride in their work and are just sloppy. However, those same sloppy workers are the ones who claim I talk down to them. Those that are not sloppy workers, have expressed their appreciation to me as their supervisor and don’t feel that I talk down to them. The reason this concerns me as I have managed at different companys and find the same response from people in that I talk down to people and believe there must be some truth in it. I am just not sure what or how to change. My son told me that I have more masculine features that people have a hard time accepting this from a women. So some things that I say are acceptable from a man but not from a woman. So could this be the problem vs talking down to people? Not sure.

]]> By: David B. Bohl http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-8674 David B. Bohl Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:26:27 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-8674 Jazz, Moderation is a good thing, especially when it comes to advice. People are most likely to take advice only when they've asked for it, not when it's thrust upon them. It's unfortunate your co-worker feels so insecure and needs to demonstrate her erudition to you at every opportunity. David Jazz,

Moderation is a good thing, especially when it comes to advice. People are most likely to take advice only when they’ve asked for it, not when it’s thrust upon them. It’s unfortunate your co-worker feels so insecure and needs to demonstrate her erudition to you at every opportunity.

David

]]> By: Jazz http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-8673 Jazz Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:26:13 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-8673 I am glad I found this article because I have a co-worker that is condescending. She has been with the company for more than 20 years and feels she knows everything. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate her knowledge and I have learned quite a bit from her. She quizzes me when I am only asking for some assistance to perform a duty. I am not quick to anger but this type of training rubs me the wrong way. I want to say something but I am hoping I will be getting another position by the end of the year. If that doesn't happen, I am going to have to say something to her. I am not quite sure if he is aware or not. Another manager pointed out how she treats people and that is probably why she didn't get a promotion but at that time I did not personally notice it. Or she was not treating me that way. Since then, I have noticed that she can be abrasive but it is not just triggered at me. Anyway, she is one of the reasons I want out. I hope that she doesn't catch me on a bad day. I am glad I found this article because I have a co-worker that is condescending. She has been with the company for more than 20 years and feels she knows everything. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate her knowledge and I have learned quite a bit from her. She quizzes me when I am only asking for some assistance to perform a duty. I am not quick to anger but this type of training rubs me the wrong way. I want to say something but I am hoping I will be getting another position by the end of the year. If that doesn’t happen, I am going to have to say something to her. I am not quite sure if he is aware or not. Another manager pointed out how she treats people and that is probably why she didn’t get a promotion but at that time I did not personally notice it. Or she was not treating me that way. Since then, I have noticed that she can be abrasive but it is not just triggered at me. Anyway, she is one of the reasons I want out. I hope that she doesn’t catch me on a bad day.

]]> By: David B. Bohl http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-8374 David B. Bohl Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:07:30 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-8374 Jane, Thanks for sharing! Give this a read: http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/tips-for-tuning-in-to-other-people/ Jane,

Thanks for sharing!

Give this a read:
http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/tips-for-tuning-in-to-other-people/

]]> By: Jane http://www.slowdownfast.com/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/comment-page-1/#comment-8373 Jane Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:10:48 +0000 http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/how-not-to-talk-down-to-people/#comment-8373 This was a great article, exactly what I was looking for! I have had trouble with my tendency to talk down to people and this article will help with that, but I also have trouble when people talk down to me. I'm not sure how to handle that. Any ideas? This was a great article, exactly what I was looking for! I have had trouble with my tendency to talk down to people and this article will help with that, but I also have trouble when people talk down to me. I’m not sure how to handle that. Any ideas?

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