How To Combat the Post-Holiday Blues
By now, the preparation for Christmas Day has reached its absolute peak. The last minute gifts are being bought and grocery lists are being prepared for the holiday feast. While preparing for the more obvious aspects of Christmas, we can also prevent post holiday blues by preparing for the emotional aspects of the day itself.
What, exactly, causes post-holiday blues? For many, the simple reason is that the day doesn’t fulfill expectations. Disappointment leads to the big let-down that many of us feel the day after Christmas (or any big event), and the best way to avoid it is simple: lower your expectations.
Unrealistic expectations can lead to repeated disappointment, but the good news is that “lowering the bar” can reduce, if not eliminate post holiday blues and help you achieve your goals of peace on earth and good will toward men. Some examples may include:
- If your family has never given you a standing ovation when you present your Christmas feast, the standing rib roast with tinsel on the bones probably won’t bring them to their feet either.
- The touch screen Blackberry will probably not make your sullen teenage daughter wrap her arms around you and say, “I love you Daddy.”
- If Uncle Bob drinks too much every year, he’s probably going to this year.
So, what’s the secret? For me, it lies in using some self awareness and pinpointing what disappoints me year after year and adjusting my own expectations to meet reality.
I recently realized that my wife doesn’t like getting things that weren’t on her Christmas list. This “light bulb moment” came after I planned a trip for her and her girlfriend tailored to suit interests I knew she had. The trip received a lukewarm reception, and she wound up giving the gift away. Since then, my expectations are much closer to reality. I get links to websites selling the gifts she wants, I order them, and everyone is happy.
So where do your disappointments lie? What are the patterns? Family relationships? Gift giving? Gift receiving? Even if your expectations seem reasonable to you, (no food fight at the dinner table), if they consistently aren’t met, then they are, by definition, too high.
If we can stop expecting a perfect Christmas, with perfect food, perfect family, perfect gifts, then we can actually enjoy the day with festive music, good food, and, even, Uncle Bob.
Where have your expectations of the big day not met with reality? Share your experiences here on the Slow Down FAST blog!
Thanks to Zen Habits for including this post on the Zen Habits Tumblelog.
David,
You said a mouthful!
Where have my expectations of the big day not met with reality? The better question is” When HAVEN’T they?
I have this misguided belief that the Holidays should be about family and values, not running around, pissing matches between relatives, and consumption of gifts and libations.
Seldom am I able to see through the pandemonium and what we’re all “expected” to do at Christmas.
Dave:
So very true. I used to have some serious post holiday blues, but realized that I could carry the holidays not for just a day or two, but for weeks with my husband and kids.
We slowly ‘gear up’ for all of the holidays and spread out the ‘things to do’ over a period of time, rather than just a week or so.
This year, we’ve dealt with some more serious personal issues, and decided that a present a day for the kids would be just the trick. No ‘open all the gifts on one morning’ thing. We have planned to have this last for almost 2 weeks! Just giving ourselves reasons to be grateful for each day.
I’m not as frazzled by all of the commitments, as some events have been declined for the sake of sanity, and it has made my heart lighter each day.
LifeHackGuru,
I hear you loud and clear, and agree that, for me, that’s what this time of year should be all about.
The answer is obvious: Stop kowtowing to other people’s expectations! The secret to life is in figuring it out for yourself – and yourself only! Enhance and add what works for you and get rid of what doesn’t!
David
Susan,
Great for you! What a creative solution for slowing down around the Holidays!
You’ve done exactly what I suggested to LifeHackGuru above” enhance those things that you prize and rid yourself of the things you don’t.
Thanks for sharing your victory.
David
David,
I definitely need to go about “adjusting my own expectations to meet reality.” Every year, I go to my family’s homes and watch all of them get drunk (I do not drink), get aggravated because I’m the only sober one in the twilight zone, get upset, and leave abruptly. If I know that’s going to happen year after year, why do I expect this year to be any different?
Serene One,
Thank you for visiting and posing your question.
Albert Einstein once said: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
We cannot change other people – only ourselves. What can YOU do differently this year to rid yourself of the resentment and disdain you feel? I’m sure you can come up with something, even if it’s as simple as leaving before your relatives get inebriated.
David
For me, the holidays are about relationships and enhancing them, I’m truly grateful for people who are close to me, and now (and every day) is the time to show it.
David,
We flew down to Florida to spend Christmas with my in laws. It was 50 degrees and rained the whole time we visited, and we spent the entire time inside. Not what we expected.
The company was good, though!
Bobby,
AMEN!
Thanks for the reminder.
David
Jackie,
So you adjusted your attitude towards your family despite the horrible weather? Good for you – that’s THE answer.
David
This will hopefully be my first sober Christmas in many years. I’m filled with guilt because of what I’ve done, but want to make it a meaningful time.
I have no idea what to expect.
Trying,
Thank you for your rigorous honesty and humility. I truly hope you make it through Christmas and beyond.
Please remember that you cannot change the past. You can only be the best person that you can be today. If you stay sober and your mind gets clear, you’ll have plenty of time to clear the wreckage from your past.
So focus on being as present for your loved ones as you can be. That will take you far.
David